The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is my AH's and my 18th wedding anniversary. He has been drinking all weekend and I have been crying all weekend. I am so lonely. I have been trying to decide if I should stay or leave for a few months. I change my mind every day. I don't know how much longer I can take this behavior. I go to f2f meetings every week. They do help and I remember what they say to get through bad times, but sometimes I need more help. He is definitely not the man I married. He used to be so kind to me. Now he is cruel and doesn't realize it. He lies to me all the time. I try to go one day at a time, but it is very painful sometimes. He looks so bad. Sometimes I actually feel sorry for him. I don't know why because he is happy drinking all day and will never change. I am trying to detach more, but we live in the country with few neighbors and nobody to socialize with. I am going to start volunteering at an animal shelter this week to hopefully meet new people and to get out of this insane house. He does nothing to help around the house and I am disgusted by his behaviors and sick of cleaning up after him. Thank God he moved to the other bedroom because he started wetting the bed. I feel all I do is clean toilets and mop up after him. I have no idea what today will bring because he is still in bed and gets up late. I just have to wait and see. Thanks for listening to me.
I feel for you blindsided. It's the pits you are having to celebrate your wedding anniversay like this. My ex ABF didn't even remember my 50th bday this year (even though we had talked about it multiple times during the past couple months that it was coming up) so I do understand how hurt you are.
Maybe you could go on vacation somewhere beautiful, peaceful and calming for a week by yourself and gain some of your sanity back and focus only on you - because after all you and your life and happiness is the only thing that matters right now!
I'm thinking about you and praying for you! Hang in there!
((Blindsided))) I am sorry that the disease has progressed to this stage. Good idea about volunteering at the animal shelter. I do this and find that it is a lovely way to help unfortunate creatures.
Please be gentle with yourself, pray about your situation and listen to the small voice within for the next right action. Congrats on your anniversary.
I will send positive thoughts and prayers on the way.
(((Blindsided))) - so sorry for the disease progression and where you are. I love the idea of volunteering at the animal shelters - I am always comforted by animals and their unconditional love!
I hope you have meetings to attend and can find some local fellowship - it is in Al-Anon that I found others who truly understood what I felt and were able to carry me often when I wasn't sure I could stand on my own.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery - glad you are here!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
