The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Has anyone else ever had this crazy thought: maybe I will become an alcoholic so that my AH will finally understand what I have been going through all these years. Crazy and won't happen of course, but I have thought about it!
It really is crazy. I didn't just think of it, I actually did it, LOL!. I remember getting myself drunk a long time ago (before Al-anon) just so my AH will realize what he is doing to me. Did he care? No, I remember him making fun of what I did. What a fool I made out of myself :(
Can't say I've ever had that thought. If anything it's shown me what I don't want to become and cause so many innocent people so much hurt, stress and worry.
But hey if the thought brings you humor than it's a good thought! LOL
One thing is that many of our A's grew up with alcoholics, so they already know how it feels. That's part of what they are trying to numb by drinking. Of course their thinking is all messed up. I know that desperate thinking about how to get him to understand. Unfortunately experience does not always translate to understanding.
I am a recovering alcoholic and did not grow up with it. My children grew up with one parent in recovery and one who sneaked drinks. They never in their lives saw either of us ever consume a beverage in front of them, yet they have the disease.
Any thoughts you are having about trying to get him to understand are counter-productive to your own recovery. Our literature was very, very helpful in showing me that no amount of talking, screaming, examples, photos, videos, etc. would be convincing enough to have them consider a different way. They must reach their own bottom through their own living, choices and consequences before any change might happen.
Most of the alcoholics I am in recovery with did not grow up in alcoholic homes. Like I, they felt from an early, early stage less than others, and upon their first drink or mind-altering substance, they felt whole. This is how it was for me - I felt incomplete until/unless I was under the influence of a mind-altering substance. There is no amount of will-power, my own or another's that would have had me give up my 'needed' substance until I was ready.
If you began drinking/partying with me, I'd be thrilled. When you stopped, cut back or something else, I moved on. Active alcoholics don't need friends/family - we can always find another to hang out with, party with or we are perfectly content to pickle our minds alone.
This - for me - understanding, accepting and digesting - that we are powerless over alcohol is absolutely 100% necessary to get recovery in Al-Anon. I had a counselor many years ago tell me that I can't con a con man - you also can't out-think a master manipulator - which most of us alcoholics are!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Active alcoholics are emotionally and socially stunted so, while I understand the idea, the "lesson" would not be learned. They don't even learn from their own disasters and consequences...
I was "fortunate" enough to grow up with 2 alcoholics and now I am married to one. I would not really ever become an alcoholic to teach him what it is like because I know he wouldn't care or would probably be happy to have me drink with him. It was more of a sarcastic thought.
