The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I was informed by my ABF today by text that "he needs to stay away for awhile from texting me and calling me on the phone and he's really sorry" - whatever - this is what happens every time after he detoxes and starts talking to his sponsor and going to meetings. He convinces himself (or someone convinces him) that he can't see me anymore...and now it's gone to he can't even talk to me anymore. But yet it's OK to stay in his loveless, non-physical marriage of 29 years (haven't been physically intimate for 22 years)....I find it interesting that it's OK to keep living the lie of a marriage but he has to get rid of his BFF (at least that's what he told me I was) - hell that was probably a lie too.
I'm just going to try to be strong and look after myself and forget about him and his issues that he has chosen to live with - yes easier said than done but hopefully I can find the strength to be done with him when he attempts to text me or call me again....and he will....he always does. And then the vicious cycle begins again.....ugh
Learning how to make changes for me because they were the right things to do rather than because I was angry at something or someone let me and my sponsor know that I was learning how to respond rather than react. Of course anything that would kick me into positive change was good because otherwise the changes might come later than sooner. Get your recovering family around you Jojo; they have tons of ESH. ((((HUGS))))
Alcoholism is a 3 fold, fatal disease. It affects each individual physically, emotionally and spiritually. AA and Alanon have been established to address each area of the disease and I would never question what another might need in order to recover.
Alanon kept me busy enough so that I focused on my recovery and by developing new tools to live by I was able to understand the priniciples that each program embraced and grow.
I understand what you're going through with your boyfriend. All the changes of mind , distancing and coming back etc, My partner behaves like this too and still I keep on coming back to him when he reaches out.
You are doing the right thing now by learning to put yourself first for a change . I believe that by doing this, the answers will eventually become clear to you , whatever they may be. Lots of hugs
Through many meetings and many posts and connecting with many friends that are in this journey along side me...I leaned one important thing; I can only control what I can control. I can only be responsible for my feelings and actions.
Boundaries are the hardest part of this whole thing. And again I can only control my own boundaries and not someone else's. It took many tears and checking my phone to reconnect with the fact that this is my life to live and no one else's. Nothing changes if nothing changes, it doesn't mean change is easy but sometimes it's essential to go through the muck to come out clean, happy and free of the chaos on the other side.
Good luck. You're in the right place. Your feelings and actions right now are yours; own them as icky as they may feel--soon they'll evolve before you know it to where you want them to be
