The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have stopped all enabling with my AS couple weeks ago knowing that he, as far as I know, is still without means, brings me to tears. I have to keep my head in recovery every day to remind myself why I'm doing this. The last couple of conversations via messenger we've had have been frank ones. He admitted that alcohol is a problem in his life, so that opened the door for a conversation about AA meetings. He has been to some AA meetings over the years with me while he was growing up and to my surprise stated that AA was for people who sit around talking about their problems hoping for something to change. After I spoke the truth about AA as I knew it, he said he would try it. I left him with a link to the local beginners meetings in his area. That was awhile ago and in the interim, I have left a couple of 'just thinking of you..." messages - trying to detach from his problems, but not from him. I have seen a couple of pics of him online with drink in hand, so I get he's probably not ready. He is not responding to any of it and it makes me sad. I believe these are MY consequences of getting off the merry-go- round. I have to deal with the reasons I stayed on the merry- go- round for as long as I did with my son. It is being revealed to me slowly now that I am open to it. I didnt want to deal with the consequences of what would surely happen had I followed thru 100%. And here it is. I have been doing this tough love thing for years with my son, but taking back my will and giving in to the pressure, so never truly 100%. I am glad I can vent here with you fellow travelers in recovery. Thank you for listening.
(((seahorselady))) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers. It's not easy to let go but it does get easier. Your plan for continued focus on Al-Anon and yourself is a good one. Leaving the door open and carrying the message is what I did too. I had to remind myself often that we carry the message and not the alcoholic and that I love my son(s) but hate this disease.
Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
