The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH of ten asks if I am mad at him. In context, right now he is trying to quit but continues to drink (only a relatively small amount). He just asked if I am mad at him. What do you think the best response is? I said no. I am mad because he said he would quit and he hasn't yet. I am doing a great job of letting go and not acting mad.
There are a great deal of feelings that I experienced while living with active alcoholism: anger was one of them however, confusion, disappointment, anxiety, sadness and loneliness were all foremost in the feeling department. Consider how you are actually feeling and then if you feel like it have a constructive conversation .
When Ah asks this or similar questions of me, I gently detach and don't respond. I change the subject and move things forward, maybe get some tea to share together or remove myself from the room.
I have found these things never go well, it really is best just to leave it. My guess is that AH is feeling out of sorts and is looking for me to say something to make him feel better or to start a fight which will also change his emotional state.
Whatever is the case, it is none of my business.
My job is to keep myself calm and stable. Feeling comfortable in my own skin.
-- Edited by Calm Lady on Monday 22nd of August 2016 12:47:43 AM
It sounds like the fact hes trying is a good thing. Imagine how you would feel if you couldnt stop drinking no matter what. It must be torture. Ive been addicted to a few things myself like, cigarettes and chocolate and thats bad enough but imagine having that for drink because life gradually becomes very narrow after youve lost your job, driving license, family, home etc. You dont see many smokers or chocolate addicts living in the gutter because of it but most of the gutters are filled with alcoholics.
