Hey, sorry for the woe is me post, I thi k I just need a vent. I'm an adult child and kind of struggled my whole life, in my early 20's tried to commit suicide and struggled with self esteem, bad relationships and generally feeling like life is just one hard slog. I coped up till now by keeping my feelings pushed down as deep as they would go. About 4 months ago I found Alanon, found hope, felt lighter and amazing. I've since relocated to the country ( work purposes) where there are bigger all meetings. I have done everything wrong since my move, I've been disappointed by friends and isolated myself from them, haven't contcTed my sponsor and just slowly fallen down a hole of self pity and insane behaviours. I have applied for a job back in the city to get closer to a larger network of Alanon and now have stumbled on issues regarding g reference checks, bullying issue too long to explain and details not relevant. I have the flu, a dog who has high care needs following a surgery and generally sick and tired of being sick and tired. My partner is a recoving A with 9 years sobriety and a great program, he lives in Melbourne and has been a great support to me, I have started taking antidepressants and feel like a complete failure. Thing is, with this reference issue I am unlikely to get this job that'll bring me back into the arms of Alanon and back to balance. I am so grateful to Alanon for giving me hope, it's so incredibly hard to be so isolated from a program that I so desperately need. I came to the city yesterday and did a meeting, first in about 3 weeks and the time in the room was amazing, instant calm and love. I know I need to call my sponsor and do what I can to remain connected, it amazing how quickly the insanity returns, I hate being an adult child I wish I was normal and able to cope with life like everyone else does. But at least I found Alanon, I'll do another meeting today and head home with a strong plan to call my sponsor and work like the mad woman I am to get back to my program. All this has helped me to realise how much I need my program.