The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you all for being here = I am finding a lot of intermittent relief from what feels like grief after detaching from my son. I havent heard anything from him in many days and keeping my head in recovery is helping me to keep the focus on me. Going to sleep at night seems to be the hardest for me because the last thing he said he was going to have to go to an intake shelter. My thinking becomes very fatalistic at times. Then I think it through and realize that over the last 8 or 9 years there have plenty of nights/days that i didnt hear from my son and I realize the difference is I am not on the other end trying to locate him through friends, etc. I am not running after him to make sure he is alright and what his progress is on whatever crisis is happening at that time. I guess what Im feeling is that ive been in hyper-crisis mode for so long that not enabling, setting boundaries and detaching is so alien to me. My being is screaming that I should be doing SOMETHING! and for the first time in my life, Im doing NOTHING. I am coming to terms with it all. I want what you all have = serenity, stability and joy in my life...i also want my son healthy and happy and a part of my life. I miss him. Thanks for letting me share.
Welcome seahorse lady-But you are doing something. You are reaching out for help, venting, and if you stick with Alanon, you can find serenity and peace for yourself. It won't change your son's behavior, but by getting yourself stable and healthier, it will have a trickle-down effect on him in some way. Your son sounds like he is an adult, and I guess lost at the moment. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself, gain strength and self-esteem, and take in what Alanon has to offer. I'm 3 years in Alanon and I wish I joined 20 years ago! I hope you will give program a try, Lyne
Thank you lyne - yes he is an almost 27 yr old adult who is most definitely lost at the moment. I appreciate your words, especially pointing out what I failed to see, that i am reaching out for help because I do not have the answers and I need support to continue to make changes to my behaviors and attitudes. Thank you
Night time for me was always very difficult too when my son(s) were active in their disease. That is one reason why I fill my evenings with activities I enjoy - which for spring, summer and fall - softball. When I get horizontal, as part of what I've been told in the program, I thank my HP for the day and then just ask him to lead them where they need to go/be.
My experience is the more I embrace the program and practice what others have shared with me, the easier it has been to let go and let God. You are doing great seahorse lady - just keep doing what you are doing - you will get what you want - serenity, joy and peace.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
