The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Everyone, I have been separated for 7 months and my ex wants to 'get back together' without going to therapy or program. He comes by and helps cook and clean to see our son and frankly I am feeling so low I am accepting the help for now. My therapist says it is okay for now as we are not intimate. he wants to be together again but NOT talk about anything or heal our issues. for use he was a compulsive spender/debtor and my father is alcoholic and the "ism" feels very similar. he does all of the 'right" things on the outside now but he is afraid and gets defensive with emotional intimacy. he is willing to go to "family" therapy tomorrow night but he has done this before and storms OUT any time the therapist asks him to be accountable. I do not know if I "love" him anymore but I am very attached and we have a 13 year old son. I would rather 'try" to work it out but it has been 13 years going over the same stuff. he used to be abusive and blaming verbally and he stopped this about 6 years in when i threatened to leave. then the last 6 years he has been in legal trouble and was 'nicer' but he just does not want to deal with anything. I have been in super anxious and sad as I am letting go of my alcoholic father who is dying and also letting go of so many relationships. I feel very lonely and need my Higher Power!!! If there is a way to get a SPONSOR online or on online meetings kindly let me know. Thanks for the love.
There are two meetings scheduled here twice a day. See the upper left side for the times and the link to go to the meeting/chat room. Online sponsorship is not nearly as workable as Face-to-Face and doesn't help with one of our key characteristics - isolation. I tried once to be an online sponsor and it was very difficult and not very effective for the person in need of help.
I really encourage you to find local F2F meetings for local support/sponsorship. We don't offer advice so as far as relationships go - I know that it's easier for me to see the realities around me when I am healthy. I am not healthy without my program. It was advised to me early on to not make any major decisions until I'd been working the program 6+ months.
Keep coming back and you are correct - isms of addiction are isms. The substance/activity doesn't really matter!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
