The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, its day three and abf is still sober. I had left for 5 days and got my own apartment. I am still staying at the house with him since my name is on title but I am still going, he is going to drink any time now that he is over his huge hangover. The pattern is he will and I keep thinking to myself, not your problem, you have your own place now you can go. I just want him to have a sober life but so far he has made no effort what so ever to access help. All he continues to do is sit in front of the TV and watch TV day and night. No motivation to do anything or go anywhere. Its sad. I am sick but I try and get out of the house as much as I can. He does nothing but sleep and watch TV. I am so fed up with his self pity crap! But then I keep saying, not my problem. I have to keep the focus on me and what I am going to do. I still have to move furniture into my apartment. I am still staling on that to see what abf will do. I do not have any expectations that he will do anything. I can only pray right now and see what will happen. I am taking things one day, one moment at a time right now. I can only say god let your will be done, not mine. I am hanging on and waiting. I am still physically sick so that does not help matters at all. I hate this life of isolation. Its all so sad. I know I have choices and I will use them.
What I'm seeing is that what you do is still determined by what he does. You're on hold waiting for what he's going to do to be clear. In my experience that's a pretty stressful way to live. Also as if someone else is the center of your life, instead of you.
Do you have a f2f meeting closeby? It really helps to talk to like-minded people to break the isolation. I know for me, once I reached out, I found many more people who were willing to listen, support, and spend time with me. Working on the program of Alanon helped me take the focus off my A and onto me. I could detach easier doing these two things. Also, keeping busy has helped me get better.
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Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well. Anonymous
I have no words of wisdom, only can say you are not alone in what you are going thru. I am trying to decide if I should leave my AH and get my own place. It is so final. I don't want to sign a lease and then the binge is over and maybe I will go back to my life with him. If I were rich I would absolutely have my own place so I could get away while he binges.
Good luck to you! I hope things get brtter for you.
The program has given me the right to no longer walk on egg-shells. I have every right to live my life as I need to irregardless of what others are/are not doing. They are going to drink/use if that's what they are going to do. There is no reason to 'wait' for it to happen if you heart/mind/recovery needs to be at the new apartment joker.
I agree a bit with Mattie - your next chapter seems to be based on what he's going to do! Do what you want/need to do for you! Just for you!!
(((Hugs))) - in support.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
