The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been working really hard lately at letting go and letting God. And it really has been wonderful. When I start feeling overwhelmed or I begin worrying, I remind myself that it is okay, God is in control and I choose my attitude. I will be okay.
With that being said, I have been communicating and looking toward my God a lot. I have read stories where people have said such strong things about their HP and even saying, "I was on a walk and I felt him". I didn't know if I bought that...
So with asking my God for guidance I definitely buy it! The other day I was taking my son to the Children's Museum to get him out to play. During the drive I was thinking and talking to God and asking for guidance. We get to the museum and my son starts running all over and playing like he has lived caged up his whole life (he has not!). All of a sudden these little boys started coming up to me and just smiling and hugging me. It was so sweet. Their Dad came up and started talking to me and said sorry for his son's, he wasn't sure why they felt so comfortabe with me. We got to talking and he randomly mentioned he was 11 years sober and working in ministry now. My heart just stopped. That has to be my God telling me he is here. I told him how crazy that was and a little bit about my situation (just that I was actually dealing with addiction with my sons father and he is actually sitting in a hotel right now drinking). He was so sweet and his wife was also. At times their belief was a little strong for me. They are into the new age ministry. I have grown up in the Catholic church and have always found my God there. I have been away from the Church a lot the past 10 years. However, since the birth of my son I have been trying to get more into a routine of going. The couple told me about their church and said I should try it. My first reaction was no, I like the Catholic Church I find comfort in it. Yes, it may be routine, but I like that structure and routine. But I also thought, well this is my God coming to me from these two, maybe there is a reason and I need to try it.
I am an overthinker. Now everything going on I overthink. I have been talking this out in my head about whether or not to go to the new church today and deep down, no I don't want to. I do like the Catholic Church. But then I overthink everything...is God giving me these signs because he wants me to go to the New Church and I am not listening to him? Or is it just as simple as God wanted to show me he was there wanted to give me people to talk to, but wants me to just feel comfortable going to the Church I go to. And then to top it off I open Courage to Change this morning to read today, and of course it is talking about doing something that you don't feel comfortable doing.
Hi 1123etc. I hear you I do believe that because alanon is a Spiritual program, that we are encouraged to look for our HP in each event that we encounter in life. Then, we can listen to the small voice within and act.
When I found alanon, I was extremely angry with the God of my youth, (He did not do my will) and after practicing the spiritual principles of this program, I found myself attending several different Churches to hear the message. Today I am back at the Church of my childhood, can hear the message (as a Spiritual one) and am comfortable using the Spiritual principles of program.
Listen to the small voice within, remember that we can make a choice today and change our minds tomorrow. Keep an open mind and trust the process.
Good luck
I totally get the overthinking mind. I spend a lot of time there, I've been told it's common with Gemini's, I say it's just me and I am thankful for it.
I grew up in the United Church, believed in a Higher Power, that there was a God. At the age of 16 my path led me to an Evangelical Brethren Church. I seen God as a loving, forgiving God who I could have a relationship with. Things soon soured when my sights went towards doing what man thought I should (because of my codependency) and it conflicted with my belief of my God, so I left the church when 21. Still believing in my Higher Power yet unsure how to place Him in my life. He was there when I needed him so to speak.
In coming to Al-Anon, I was faced once again with having a relationship with my HP. I wasn't sure exactly what I believed, especially with everything that had gone on in the past but I definitely knew in my heart that God was the only one who truly loved me and would save me from my insanity.
I am thankful for step 2. That is says "Came to believe" that says to me it is a process and I know in time as He helps me find myself, I know I will totally find Him. I leave that in his hands and until then I will trust He will do what is best for me. You could say, I am building on a relationship with Him.
As for what church or people I fellowship...that is in His hands too, until he shows me. For now I find much fellowship with my Al_Anon and AA meetings. He is there and that is the place I need at this moment in my life.
I understand the thinking of perhaps going to a new church, then not wanting to. I have done that too. I know when that feeling in my gut said no, I had to listen to it. Yet I did feel guilt.
It is through my program that I have learned that I do not have to decide everything asap. What a relief!! All I need do is to listen to my heart and it will be revealed to me. I find in having a personal relationship with my HP through daily readings, talking to Him, letting go and asking Him to take care of things daily, going to meetings and talking with my sponsor and other members is the best thing for me in this moment. My awareness of His presence in my life has grown... I look forward to what He has in store .....
Yes I do have a tendency to overthink too.... but my HP is taking care of that too, for when my mind starts, he places thoughts of NO immediately in my head and stops me in my track. Thank God for step 3 that this is possible.
Blessings on you 123456abcdef, you will get there... I know you will. Recovery is a process, not perfection <3
-- Edited by NSBlue on Sunday 14th of August 2016 10:48:17 AM
Thank you both for your responses.
Sometimes it's really good to hear other people and their journies to get a better grasp on what you are thinking or feeling.
And if anyone has an extra prayer to give...my A is still in the hotel drinking. Five days now. A prayer to get him out and into detox and recovery would mean a ton.
I used to over think too. I am getting better at letting things go and handing them over to God.
My higher power is Good Orderly Direction. I love that phrase. That is what looks after me. Good Orderly Direction. It means my life flows smoothly.
I was christened in the Church of England but that doesn't mean anything to me. Good Orderly Direction does. It makes me feel safe and secure. That everything will be ok. That the weight of the world is not on my shoulders.
I am finding an urge to return to church is growing in me.
I also was an over-thinker, over-planner and over-analyzer.....with the program suggesting I just stay focused on today, and then even the present spot of today to better enjoy my life instead of endure it - I was fascinated! It was not easy as my brain wants to plan, analyze, problem-solve, think, etc. but - I do now see how I miss out on the beauty and miracles right in front of me by letting my mind drift to things that I often have little/no control over.
I live a spiritual life in recovery. I was raised with organized religion, and am grateful for the base I grew up with. That was not always the case - I was truly angry at God for a long while for allowing my life to be as it was. Then, in Al-Anon, I realized I had choices and I could choose to strive for joy instead of worry. I could choose to look at all that's good around me or focus on what's broken. Al-Anon gave me an attitude adjustment which then gave me an interest and desire in a spiritual journey. I do call my HP God today, and we have a personal relationship now vs. as a youth I felt subservient or teacher/parent child.
I now know deep within that God wants me to be happy, joyous and free. It's up to me to do the footwork but he'll guide me so long as I am willing and open. I go to church once in a while - I prefer a meeting Sunday morning!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
