The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been praying all morning; tprying to hand over my worries to my HP, but I am still worrying and projecting.
Today is my AH's birthday. We are going to a retirement party today at a friend's house. Last night A got into a little dispute with his brother in law and of course he/they will be there. My A has never been one to bite his tongue and while I don't think he'll start anything, I am pretty sure if anything is said, he won't be able to stay quiet. That is one worry.
Secondly, it's his birthday which he automatically takes as a "pass go - collect $200.00" space on the game board of life. He already cracked open a beer at 11:30 -a.m. I actually said more than I wanted to, as I want to detach and let it all unfold. However, I am NOT looking forward to this at all! I keep praying and entrusting it to HP, but I am still anxious that he will somehow ruin or cause tension at my friend's party.
El - I totally understand where you are at....BTDT - Been There & Done That! Sometimes, it did go as I thought it might and other times, it did not. The program tells me that his actions/comments are not a reflection on me, and if I look around me right now, in this moment, I am safe and OK. I am a live in the moment kind of gal when my thinking strays and I get anxious. Of course, the serenity prayer helps me as does my abbreviated version - Bless Them, Change Me. They help me stop the stinkin' thinking and realize I am loved, I am loving, I am kind, I am a good .... Gratitude and asset lists help me also at moments like this.
(((Hugs))) - the day is half over already - no worries - what is going to be is going to be - enjoy yourself as best you can...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Oh I love that shortened serenity prayer: Bless Them, Change Me. Thank you
For myself I spent so much time in the beginning trying to change my husband. I stopped doing that with a lot of help from Al-anon and my sponsor, but then I just ended up in the corner of the room, wringing my hands and praying.
It got so I just didn't care anymore what he did. I figured if he was going to drink a lot, I decided I'd drive home then he could drink as much as he wanted and if he made a fool out of himself perhaps people will notice (other than me) and treat him in a real manner as the consequences of his drinking. I just didn't care anymore.
I spent most of my time not going to place with him, choosing instead to live my own life and enjoy the heck out of it. I went to meetings, went out with friends, and took classes in art and music.
He eventually got sober because he noticed how miserable he was and I wasn't around. I was off being happy.
Update: the day went just fine. It could have easily gone the other way, though. I still need to work on letting go of outcomes and to stay in the moment with slogans and detachment.
Thanks so much for responding so quickly earlier today, IamHere and PatG1025!!
Hey El - so glad the outcome was just fine! For me, this disease has my brain projecting the worst - it's the program that brings me back to reality and what's good in my life!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Projection is still a work in progress for me, but I appreciate you bringing the topic up for sure. It helps me to remember that I'm not a mind reader and I have no idea what another person is thinking. I had a lesson in this today myself, though it was a positive thing and I caught myself quickly.
