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Its been a difficult week. I have been visiting my AD and this is the first extended visit with her since sobriety 9 months ago. She has obligations during the day ( work, school) so I just do my own thing and have told her to just keep on with her routine of meetings etc as she wishes even though I am here. The problem is she has been incredibly moody and self centered . I am starting to feel resentful as it feels like now that I have done some things for her she is very dismissive and done with me now. She has ruined a couple of evening plans by being rude and condescending which upset me. I have noticed a change for the worse in her attitude and communication the past couple weeks but stayed out of it and simply said I was sorry she was struggling. I have resigned as chief advice giver and counsellor . She knows what to do and who to go to. I am dammed if I do and dammed if I dont though as she commented that I wasnt being very helpful by not saying anything and was upset with me for not recognizing how difficult it all is. I do know its very difficult and have told her how proud of her I am for how far she has come, but I am just really trying hard to stay out of her business.
her friend arrived spontaneously while I am here to and while she seems quite thrilled to hsve her here , I am sensing that I am now in the way. I have several more days left until my flight leaves but am considering paying extra fee to go home early.or leave and stay at s hotel if I can book one . I realize early sobriety is difficult but I am not volunteering to be a scapegoat either. I am trying to not take it personally and question maybe if my expectations were to high for this visit. I made sure to ask her before I arrived how long she wanted me to stay and she said it didnt matter . I will not have the opportunity to see her again for quite a while. Generally I am feeling pretty emotional tonight . I do not want my Leaving early to seem punitive but I do not want any more conflict either and maybe have to accept things for how they are and try to not let it hurt me so much.
serenity47 - prayers for you both - early sobriety is a difficult time and I know that me, as the mom, did often take things personally that I shouldn't and also expected my small loving human I raised to magically show back up once the alcohol/substance was removed. It's a hard process for us to watch too and I had to finally accept that my perception of who my child/ren is/are is no longer a reality.
I actually had to grieve as if they were gone, because in a sense they are. All the innocence of youth and all the sheltering they had living in a nice home in a great hood with excellent schools is long gone and they've experienced the seedier side of life. But - and the hope I got from Al-Anon and hold on to - I have no idea who they will become!!! My program and my HP tells me that they too are works in progress and the best is yet to come.
I fully understand all that you are feeling and just want to remind you to take all that you can one moment at a time. (((Hugs))) - we're here for you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you for your responses ladies. I am here you are so right i think i do grieve for the bright eyed , little girl she once was who was raised with loving kindness and stability yet was grabbed by the disease of addiction. I have decided to stay as I cant find a reasonably priced flight home and my original flight departs in four days.I went about my businsss today went shopping and for a nice walk along the ocean with her friend whom is here . I also went to a yoga class this eve when she returned home . Her friend and her have gone elsewhere again tonight. She did try to engage me in a texting convo this am basically making excuses for her rude behaviour but I simply said that I wasnt interested in a texting convo and just wanted to move on. Its difficult to sort out whats early recovery behaviour and just simply being an immature brat lol. Irregardless im not engaging and buying into any of the nonsense. I really am just focusing on me and enoying my little vacation and trying to remain detached. It is so much better for both of us when I do that. I am choosing to focus on the progress I see instead and let the rest go. Let go and let god!
Great program work serenity and a great plan! For me, when I can focus on what's working well and what's improved vs. what's not working well and what's still broken, I can usually find peace! Just keep doing your program and letting go - it seems to work well for me! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
