The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm pretty new to all this, and I am searching for support and to learn more about alcoholism.
It took me a long time to admit that my husband is an alcoholic. We are married for almost 2 years now, and I didn't know about his drinking problem until we got married. He didn't drink while we were dating, he had stopped 3 years before he met me due to liver damage caused by drinking. He has been sober for 5 years until a first month into our marriage when he lost his job. Since then he has been drinking for several months, then getting sick, then stopping for a couple of months and starting all over again. It has been a real rollercoaster, and I am so tired at this point, I don't know how to help him or myself anymore.
Hi Leyla Welcome to Miracles in Progress I am pleased that you found us and reached out for support. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease over which we are powerless. AA is the recovey program for the person who drinks and alanon is the recovery program for family members
We who live with this disease develop many negative coping tools and attitudes to enable us to survive with the insanity of the disease. We need to see that we did not cause it, cannot control it an cannot cure it. Face to face alanon meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages.Here I received the support I needed to break the isolation caused by living in the insanity, developed new tools to live by and the ability to live one day at a time, with my self esteem restored.
Hi Leyla, welcome. You came to the right place! I can relate to the feelings you shared as I had similar feelings when I first found AlAnon. There I learned some of the things that Betty shared above, and found understanding and peace that had been absent for a very long time. Attending meetings and reading in the books AlAnon provides helped me immensely, I hope you are able to check them out.
So glad you had the courage to share, look forward to hearing more about your journey. Hang in there
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I too welcome you Leyla to MIP! I too found hope and help in the Al-Anon program. Also sending positive thoughts, prayers and (((hugs))) your way.
Keep coming back!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi leyla and welcome, face to face alanon meetings
Will help you start your recovery journey. There is
Much to learn so you can change and grow. It takes
Time and its about you really, not your qualifier.
There is just so much to absorb, there are three daily
Readers to purchase, how alanon works is a great
Beginners book its in their library or some meetings
Give it away. There is a lending library and many free
Pamphlets.
At meetings you learn new healthy tools such as loving
Detachment, good strong boundaries for you, stay on
Your side of the street, stay in your own hula hoop plus
Much more.
This is an amazing group of people who understand in ways that are truly valuable and special. This place is called Miracles in Progress for good reason! Living with an alcoholic is draining and perplexing. I'm so sorry for what has brought you here, but I am glad you found us. You are not alone. Keep reading, things can get better. So much better.
Someone once told me that you can't give from an empty cup, and boy do you want to give! So take really special, restorative care of you. I remember once asking myself, what do I need to replenish after all that chaos? And then I proceeded to do exactly that. Going to my first Alanon meet scared me, my knees were literally knocking together! But I am so pleased that I did it. There were people there who were kind and welcoming and they were dealing with the chaos of alcoholism as well, and yet we smiled and laughed and felt safe and I wanted to learn how they did that! ((((((hugs)))))))
Thank you everyone for your response, and so much support. it helps knowing that there are other people out there who are going through the same thing, and who found way to cope with it.
I would really love to start meetings asap, because I don't have many friends who I can talk to and who would understand my situation. My husband doesn't want to admit he has a problem, and refuses to go to AA. And since this is all new to me I have some questionson how to join meetings:
1. Since my husband doesn't want to go to AA, does it still make sense for me to go to alanon, or is it only for family member of people who go to AA?
2. I live in Brooklyn, NY, and I found that there are meetings for beginners, and for regular, but the beginner meetings are at the time I can not come due to work, can I still go to regular meetings?
3. Do I need to call and get an admission or something, or I just show up at the meeting and they let me in?
Sorry if these questions are dumb, but, as I said, being new to all this makes me confused and sad.
Thank you everyone for support and help. It really gave me energy and hope that the future might be better.
Welcome Leyla, I'm glad you asked these questions - and there are no dumb questions when it comes to figuring out how Al-Anon works!
Al-Anon is for ANYONE who is affected by alcohol, regardless of if their loved on is drinking, sober, going to AA, refusing to go to AA, already passed away, etc. It is even more helpful to attend, if your husband is not involved with AA, because you need support more than ever!
You can go to any meeting. In my area there are no beginner's meetings. It sounds great to have them, but go to any meeting that works in your schedule.
And yes, you just show up at meetings.
You may want to try a few different meetings, to see if one has an approach or vibe that works best for you.
I think beginner meetings would be great way to start
If not go to a regular ones and try different mtgs too.
You Do not need to say a word until you are ready to do so,
I sat and listened and cried for a long time. I still just Listen
a lot, i usually hear what i needed to hear without Sharing.
The theory is changed behaviors and actions on your Part might
encourage the other partner to seek help, you lead By example.
Its Really all about you no matter what he is doing or not doing.
Relax its not that bad, most have been where you are at. Most
Meetings have a mix of its their child, spouse, parent. The dysfunction
From this disease goes back for generations.
You just show up to any meeting, any time you can! The fellowship welcomes anyone who is troubled by the drinking of a family member or friend. They do not have to be in recovery and you will be welcome by folks who do understand. Most of us find real friends in the fellowship and/or trusted program folks where we can truly discuss what's going on - when we are ready.
There is no pressure for you to say/do anything - just keep an open mind. No admission is required - all are welcome!!
Hope this helps you - it's a bit scary the first time but my hope is your experience is similar to mine - I felt I could breathe and that I was no longer alone and full of fear/anger.
Keep coming back and (((hugs)))...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
