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Hello everyone - haven't been on in a long time (OP as LadyM, but old email is discontinued and I can't remember my info lol), but am happy to see this community still is supporting each other. :)
My AH has been caught this wweek with his first OUI and am so angry. He is asking for my support as he goes through counseling and AA (possibly) and while I am happy to see him finally confronting his long term depression and functional A behaviors, I am not going to make this easy for him. His family is helping, but I do not want to help 'cushion' his fall. He ****ed up and now has to pay. He also made my life more difficult and that is so not alright, especially with a 2yr old and 7yr old, in my masters program, and just starting a new (exciting) job in two weeks. He wants sex and all kinds of positivity right now and I'm just not feeling it. He's in no position to issue ultimatums or demand anything. So disappointed and embarrassed and not happy. Want it all to just go away - my life is possible and easier without this crap. A***h***. I also don't think I should be punished for his mistakes - possible house searches for alcohol by the sheriff dept. and driving him around due to suspension???? I have new job and kids schedules to juggle and his help was and is critical to this plan. Don't want to be his chauffeur too. My house and life is altered because of is ****up. This sucks and I'm so not okay.
Thanks for listening to this rant. I can't talk to anyone else right now, I don't want to hurt my in laws or parents with my angry thoughts.
Edit: i also didn't meet him as an A, we have been together since we were 16 and I'm feeling like I didn't sign up for this much ****. Don't want to make a decision out of anger but perhaps that's when I'm most clear right now.
-- Edited by LadyM1 on Friday 29th of July 2016 07:29:05 PM
-- Edited by LadyM1 on Friday 29th of July 2016 07:30:49 PM
-- Edited by LadyM1 on Friday 29th of July 2016 07:33:18 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 30th of July 2016 06:41:24 AM
Aloha Lady and welcome back to the board...What really helped and supported me including the face to face meetings was learning what ever I could about the disease from the many sources that offered the information including college. I didn't do that because of her and of them...I was a dumb as a stick regarding this disease and so very very tired to getting had by it. Yes Al-Anon is a deep source of information and so is the AMA, college (like I said) and the medical industry. What they informed me about supported every concern I had and today I know and know that I know and feel sane and secure. Alcoholism is a progressive disease...it always gets worse never better.
Looking forward to your discoveries and ESH. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Welcome back Lady - glad to see you post and share. Sorry for the circumstances - sounds like the disease is progressing and the program of Al-Anon can provide you with the support you need at this time. So glad to have you back - I'll send you positive thoughts and prayers - my best suggestions to just breathe....just for today!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Jen61 - you made me smile :) unfortunately we are very rural so no buses around, lol.
And thanks for the welcome back iamhere and Jerry.
I've found more of my inner strength over sithe last couple years and 'buy the ticket' waaay less often. AH came home last night and told me he has an appointment with a counselor on Monday and is attending an AA meeting with his uncle on Tuesday. His uncle has been in recovery for 10 years and understands this road. I'm still upset and didn't feel like snuggling, although I expressed my support over his getting help with happiness. I explained that my frustration and anger was because of my life being affected by something I didn't do. (And yes there is frustration that even though I've mentioned my concerns about his drinking for years, now he decides to do something after things are so messed up.)
When we went to bed he was irritated by my anger and unwillingness to cuddle and make him feel better. He said, 'you know, you're not making this any easier.' Without thinking I responded, 'maybe it shouldn't be.' He got really mad and packed a bag to go stay the night on his boat, telling me 'you know, I deserve better.' All I could think was, 'yeah, and I do too.'
The thing is I keep expecting this anger to turn to tears, it usually does as part of the cycle of emotions. But, nothing. No tears, just burning anger and stubbornness in my chest. Through my work in mindfulness and meditation practice I've worked to meet myself as I am, greet in acceptance and not judge where I am, and trust my processes. I see and recognize the feelings I'm having and need too respect that. I think both he and I need support right now and I won't do us any favors if I ignore my needs/feelings just to see his are being met. Don't know how long he'll be gone or when I will feel like being close and happy again. I asked for patience last night, but I don't think he can give that to me right now.
Going to fit some lovingkindness meditation in my day today.
Any advice or insight appriciated.
Metta to all
-- Edited by LadyM1 on Saturday 30th of July 2016 05:38:49 AM
-- Edited by LadyM1 on Saturday 30th of July 2016 07:13:28 AM
-- Edited by LadyM1 on Saturday 30th of July 2016 08:20:46 AM
