As of this month I have been in the program for a full year.  I attended my first Al Anon meeting one year ago.   It was the C2C reading today that made me realize that I read it a year ago and that is how I remembered.  So this morning I have been reflecting on how the program has been over the past year.

I went from someone who just sat in meetings and listened and tried really hard not to cry to sharing actively in my meetings, chairing meetings, participating in service and finding a sponsor and working through the steps.  A year ago I would never have imagined I would be so involved in Al ANon.  Especially since I came looking for a very basic solution to my problem.  How do I get my husband to sober up and if not I wanted people to tell me to leave him.

I have grown so much in the past year thanks to this program and this board.  I have become more open and accepting of life in general and most of all accepting of myself.  The amount of self awareness I have developed is HUGE.  I have become more in touch with my feelings (I used to just try to turn them off or stuff them down and ignore them) and by being in touch with my feelings I am able to take care of them.  Something I had no clue how to do before I came.

Every single relationship in my life is better.  I got back the relationship with my mom that was severely suffering.  That is the most precious gift to me of all because this program helped me understand her (I believe she is an untreated al anon) and set healthy boundaries with her I can have a relationship with her that was too hard to have before.  In fact I can be understanding about why she does what she does because I have received understanding and support from Al Anon for my behaviour and I can extend that understanding to her.  My relationship with my daughter is better because I am not always so unhappy or focused on my AH and passing that on to her.  My sponsor has put a big emphasis on finding some fun in every day despite the circumstances and I am trying to do that with my daughter.  No matter what is going on she and I can have some fun together.  My relationships at work have improved immensely because shocker of shockers I might possibly be wrong or need to improve in some area (GASP) and it's not the end of the world.  I have more patience and love for those I work with and that helps when conflicts or disagreements arise.  MY friends and I have developed some new ways of communicating and I am enjoying my friendships more and generally have less conflicts with them.  I really use the saying "take what you like and leave the rest" when it comes to my friendships.  I used to find fault with every one of my friends.  If someone wasn't acting the way I wanted them to I was dissatisfied with the friendship.  Now I look at my friendships more as a gift.  I can enjoy the positive aspects of them and let go of the things that I don't like (unless of course it is too big of a negative and then I need to address it in some way).  Even My relationship with my AH is better.  It's been a tough year for us.  As I started to change things got worse before they got better.  But as he adjusted to the changes in me things settled down.  No he is not sober and he still has some negative behaviour that affects me but I cope better and we work things out better than we had been.  I've realized I can have calm even if he's in a state of being a tornado around me.  Detachment with love has helped me with that as I am able to keep a safe emotional distance to help myself.

I feel more confident and capable than I ever felt before.  In the past I was so full of fear I was almost immobilized from it.  I think this came from growing up with alcoholism as a child.  I am not so fearful and avoidant when unpleasant or bad things happen I have learned to cope and deal with them.  And I am able to cope and deal with them in ways that I feel good about myself.  It's still a process but I'm getting better.

The best gift I received from Al Anon was the unconditional love and support.  My past has been full of love with strings attached and that string was usually related to how "good" I was or as long as I was pleasant and happy.  My group and this board accept me no matter what.  I can still come to a meeting and get support and love even if I am miserable, unreasonable, or have behaved badly.  It has taught me that I deserve this kind of unconditional love no matter what.  And so do others.  Not only have I learned to give myself that kind of unconditional love and understanding but I feel like I am applying that to others in my life.  I don't excuse bad behaviour but I don't stop loving or caring about people just because they do something to displease me or upset me.

And as the closing statement says in a meeting the understanding, peace, and love of the program has grown in me.  Little by little almost undetectably at first it just kept growing.  I still have a long way to go and probably always will.  But I am truly amazed at the progress that I have made in a year. 

Al Anon is hands down the best thing that ever happened to me.   Thank you all for being a part of it.

HUGS