The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As a parent we all have fears, hopes and dreams for our children. As a parent with an alcoholic (soon to be ex) spouse, my fear has always been that one or all three of my children would follow the path of alcoholism/addiction like their father and his father. Today the reality that my 17 year old son is an alcoholic/addict just set in. My son has had a very hard time dealing with his father abandoning us a year ago for his addictions and current girlfriend (which ironically his father did the exact same thing to him & his mom). I've had my son in counseling and therapy and have been praying that he's just being a rebilious teen going through a difficult time. A few months ago he started dating an absolutely wonderful girl and I was starting to see a dramatic improvement and I blindly wanted to believe he was indeed just being a rebilious teen. A month ago my son was assaulted with a knife while protecting his girlfriend from her ex-boyfriend (no drugs or alcohol were involved...he was being a hero). With the anger, stress & trauma from that his drinking & drug use has dramatically increased...mostly behind my back. And then Friday night I got the call that my son had been arrested for robbing a wawa with a BB gun for a pack of cigarettes while heavily intoxicated. He is currently in a juvenile detention home and is being detained there until his trial. He was so drunk that he doesn't remember anything. My heart is breaking right now as the reality that he will serve jail time is setting in. I am trying to put my faith in my HP and trying to believe that this will be a blessing in disguise but I am struggling. My son needs professional help/AA/rehab...he needed a wake up call. But I am struggling with the reality that my son will miss out on his senior year of high school and much more over a pack of cigarettes.
(((ThreeCMom))) I am so sorry that this dreadful disease is causing such pain in your life and the life of your family Alcoholism is a dreadful, chronic, progressive disease that can be arrested but never cured. You did not cause it, cannot control it and cannot cure it. AA is the recovery program for the problem drinker and Alanon is the recovery program for family members. Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is in the white pages.
There i learned to keep the focus on myself, live one day at a time, accept life on life's terms and trust a Higher Power. There is hope and help . Keep coming back.
(((ThreeCmom))) - so sorry for your worry and pain. As bad as this sounds, over time, I found peace of mind when my sons were incarcerated or in treatment. I at least knew they were alive and not putting themselves/others at risk with their disease. Use your program, your meetings, your local support as best you can - that's how I got through the worst of it. Stay in this day and try not to get wrapped up in the court process - it is maddening, slow and painfully cumbersome in my state.
My best suggestion is to work your program so you can be as supportive as possible without coddling/enabling. I wish I had Al-Anon when my oldest was still a juvenile - it may have made a difference for him but I know it would have made a difference for me.
Be gentle with yourself - and remember those 3 Cs when you are super worried. That helped me often when they were facing consequences for their actions/choices. Keep coming back - we're just a post away.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Big HUGE hugs to you tonight!! I can't imagine because these are some of my own fears. I have a 17 year old boy who is struggling with dealing with his dad's alcoholism. I also have him in counseling. This is a tough age for children. I am so sorry you are struggling but I do hope you find peace in knowing that he is safe, even if he is being held. Maybe this will be the only wakeup call he needs?
Please go to meetings. Find support in program. And hug yourself for being a great mom.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Aloha 3c mom and welcome to the board...I did a good deal of study in college on the genetics of Alcoholism and Drug addiction and the problem is real. Drunk and using a weapon to rob a wawa (what IS a wawa), is major evidence for the need of a strong program. At 17 he doesn't that the experience necessary to combat this disease. It might be a good idea to call AA central office in your area and ask if they have alkies who do "wet calls"...."wet calls" are when they go out to talk to other alcoholics without having a meeting. It has worked...I have done them. ((((hugs))))
So sorry to hear you are going through this. What a tremendously hard time. There is no why in this disease. There is only what it dies to people.
I know what it has done to people around me
Maresie
Thank you! And Thank You Jerry for the AA wet calls suggestion. I will look into that tomorrow. And a wawa is a gas station/convenience store. Now looking back over the years there were signs of my son struggling with the disease on top of being a teenage boy. My AH solution to my begging, pleading & asking for help with parenting was to leave (And yes, I know there were more factors involved in him choosing to leave). It has only been since my AH left that I have finally been able to admit not only out loud but also to myself that my husband is an alcoholic/addict. And with that I was able to find Alanon & this site, which I am grateful for. I have not been to a f2f meeting, yet and am only in the beginning of my own recovery, but what I have learned so far has been very helpful in dealing with not only son's situation but dealing/communicating with my AH. Over the past couple of days I have spoken more to my AH then I have all year since he left. I need support right now to get myself and my son through this situation. And since this is our son I need/want that emotional support that one should be able to receive from a spouse/co-parent. Now I am aware that he can't provide it (even if he wants to) due to his own disease. It wasn't much but after court today we verbally talked (all communication since he left has been via text) and he said he would call or text me later. Again not much but he did text me (which he sent after work...because he spends 24/7 with his girlfriend what little bit of texting he does is only during work hours) asking if I had heard from our son. Again not the level of support I need but I will accept the effort. And even though my AH is no longer my "problem" to fix, I am praying that my son being arrested is a wake up call for both of them and they both can find sobriety.
