The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I attend a couple of different local Al-anon meetings. Each one is very different in format and group culture. But it seems like a lot of the people know one another really well.
I keep hearing that getting a sponsor is important as you work through your steps. But I am a bit unsure of how to go about choosing the right sponsor. I also understand that you want someone who has been in the program for at least a year, has worked through the steps and that you trust with confidential information. But what other things should I consider? how did you go about finding a sponsor and any words of wisdom?
Welcome Susan I believe you have outlined some of the important principles to look for when choosing a sponsor.
It was suggested that i should select a sponsor whose recovery was such that i wanted that for myself I attended many meetings, listened carefully to the shares and found a woman whose recovery and compassion was such that I could identify with and wanted what she had . I asked and we worked together successfully for many years.
There is an Alanon CAL pamphlet called "Sponsorship what's it about" " That will help in this process.
I too welcome you to MIP Susan! Glad you found us and glad that you shared. I was instructed as Betty was - find someone who 'has what you want'.....a good program, compassion and who shares solutions using program principles/tools. I was told to avoid advice givers and opinionated persons....The items you mentioned were also shared with me!
Good luck with your search and don't panic if it doesn't happen super fast. Also, if you get with someone and find it's not a good fit, it's OK to say that and search again.
Keep coming back!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The way I found a sponsor was by listening in meetings and noticing someone who had been in the same situation as me, but was farther along in their recovery and seemed to know how to manage some things I was struggling with. I my case I had an alcoholic spouse, which was also my sponsor's situation. I asked her after a meeting if she would consider being my sponsor, and she said it was an honor to do so. She was a great sponsor. Now she has moved away from the area and is busy with her own family situation, so I am keeping my ears open for another sponsor to continue my journey with.
Best of luck in finding a great sponsor! I'm sure there is someone out there for you.
I have had several sponsors, one at a time and one for the longest time. Listening was very important and it wasn't about if I liked them or not. Liking them would have been a detriment in fact when I started my recovery as it might have got in the way of honest empathy and compassion. I needed sponsorship which could confront me and the issues I needed to change. I allowed them to piss me off when they got into my ego and then continue to sit with me and love me until I made necessary changes. It is not a popularity contest ...it is life saving 101. My current sponsor is younger than I and has less time in sobriety with no time in Al-Anon and knows deeply the culture I come from which influences how I live my life. He came as a result of prayer and I no longer test my HP's will for me. I got who I needed. Great post. ((((hugs))))
