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I have lost all serenity right now and I know my life is out of control. Luckily with my spouse admitting the addiction, I have people coming out of the woodwork to help me. I just desperately need time to get back to a f2f mtg. My AS has been in and out of the hospital. Although Ive completely detached with love when she's well, this caregiver thing is getting out of control. I think she knows it that now I have to help, I'm doing all this stuff for her and have to get my own stuff done. Like today, she was blowing up my phone and I had to pick up a delivery at the store. She was asking me all these questions, and when I wouldn't answer pull passive aggressive stuff. I told her I was really busy and would call back. When I did call back when I was done, it was more passive aggressive stuff. I swear she is just like her mom, a dry drunk who never went through counseling or a twelve- step program because she was above that (could do it on her own). It's all this, I need ice cream or I prefer my other shirt, or you didn't put my check into the bank fast enough, or you haven't called so and so for me, etc. Then she always follows it up with "it's ok" (which it definitely is not!). I just needed a neutral place to vent until I get to a mtg. Every time I am ready to go, something else comes up. This end of the disease is maddening enough with all of the health issues. But the guilt trip she puts on me has caused me to have two panic attacks, and I almost had another one today. It was almost easier when she was drinking, with the exception that no one knew and I was completely isolated. Luckily friends of ours took the dog for the weekend (which she wanted, got two weeks ago and then realized she can't take care of it- so that's one more thing for me to take care of- and I am not a dog person.). Thanks for letting me vent. I'm going to go meditate so I can pull some serenity back into my life. Thanks!
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Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well. Anonymous
(((Hugs))) Gabygail - my sponsor used to remind me to breathe when I got all wrapped up in the busy things of life.....it truly helped as I get to going so fast and then here comes anxiety and ... you know the drill.....so might I suggest just breathe and agree with Mirandac - take care of you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you...prayers are always appreciated. I think I'm overdue for a hike early tomorrow. I will make it a priority. It's time I put on the oxygen mask before I give it to my A. Right now I think I need it more. Thanks again!
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Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well. Anonymous
I see this in clients in rehab all the time. They scream at their poor family members and treat them like trash, make orders and demands and such while THEY are the ones in rehab. Addicts are generally so self-centered and self-absorbed that when they are going though something, they have ZERO concept the life does not stop for everyone else and that other people also have problems while they are struggling. This is typical alcoholic/addict behavior. Mind your boundaries and self-care. What you do for your serenity and well being ALWAYS trumps what you may do for the A.
And now I'm picturing you hiking up a mountain with an oxygen mask, lol.
I'm glad you've decided to make yourself a priority because that all sounds so very trying. "Don't do for others what they can and should do for themselves" comes to mind; could you maybe divide up her demands that way?
Hugs. I hope it's a long and awesome hike.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
gabigail - the hike sounds lovely - hope you got out in nature and that it brought you some joy and peace!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
