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happy, amused, tired and hopeful.  God the trip to Central Valley turned out to be the  true God shot from start to stop and while I intended not to go HP diminished all of my justifications and then I said okay.  It turned out to be the best okay I have made is such a long long time right up until I opened my luggage here at home after coming from the airport.  There we child scribbles with photographs from two widgets I partied with and warred with while there.  A brother and sister 24/7 tag teams that showed me how to play lovingly and rough and enjoy it.  They put some of their toys within my folded clothes...tiny brontosauruses and fairy pony and such.

It made me weep because of the power of love we shared for 3 weeks including their mother and father.  I use to deny that presence of compassion and empathy and total acceptance and it chokes me at my soul to hear an adult say..."I hoped you would not leave" in the face of my earlier hope I would not go.  HP decides it is okay for me to feel those feelings and save them deeply.  There was pain and a deep sense of loss when we first arrived and rather than break trust I heard the voices in the 12th step which called for availability and my wife and I did make ourselves available not in tag team...individually.

I fell in love and had it returned and ...thank you God.

Checking in with the board kept the noise down in my head and my spirit sane...thank you all for participation.   (((((hugs)))))