Hi, this is my first post. Working on living in the moment, doing the next right thing. Letting my HP guide me. I married my qualifier almost six years ago, aware of his drug and grass habits. A few months ago, I returned to al-anon as I was driving myself crazy with resentment and focusing too much on him.

I was abused as a child, never learned to speak up for myself, and I have had difficulty setting boundaries in my marriage.  He says he's a "slow learner," but it took years for him to stop molesting me in the mornings when I wanted to sleep and he was ready to be awake. I suspended physical intimacy a few months ago as I felt disconnected and could no longer stuff my own feelings to go along with what he wanted. He understands my family history but his attitude is basically, "when can we have sex again?" I'm hurt that he does not take responsibility for his part in this situation.  

Good news is, I started expressing that I was sad to see him nodding off at night after drinking, and he has stopped drinking until he conks out. I also got him to remove his pot from the house. He says he isn't smoking now.  I'm not sure if I believe him, but thanks to the meetings and the sharing on MIP, I'm learning that I don't have to organize my thoughts around the next wrong thing I think he might do. He has no recovery but seems very concerned about the state of our marriage and the stuff that I am working through (he doesn't have anything to work on). I'm his third wife. He's 68 and high functioning, still works full time.  I'm 54, grateful and blessed to be financially independent and I wonder what is keeping me in the marriage. I feel like I have detached so much that I don't how to reconnect in a healthy way or if it is worth the effort.  I so appreciate the wisdom here.