The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c speaks of the self pity many of us feel when we first arrive at al-anon and the certainty that we have been hard done by.
It reminds us that by asking ourselves what we have to give, rather than what we want to receive, such as by offering service in al-anon, we can find ourselves growing in self esteem which is surely a great gift to receive.
"When people are serving, life is no longer meaningless" (John Gardner).
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This was a hard concept for me to get my head around at first. How could I be of help to anyone in al-anon when I was so messed up myself? And how did it make sense to be more giving when I was trying to STOP giving myself away to people at home...all I did was give, to everyone's detriment. How could this be helpful?
Building an asset list and starting to understand my own strengths helped make this clear. When i started to have a clearer understanding of the fact that I DID have something to give and it didn't involve tuning myself inside out to please others (because I thought I was worthless). Finding that I could be of help to others has been so good for my self esteem, as has learning that I can use my strengths to help serve others, instead of giving constantly from an empty tank.
Yay!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks MissMel for the daily, your service & your ESH!! I too had issues with this when I arrived - I expected others to meet or exceed my needs and felt sorry for myself when things did not go my way - which I considered reasonable and 'normal'. What I learned in the program is there is no such thing as normal and it's even more complicated with this disease woven into our lives and homes and days.
I do feel better about my self and my time here when I am looking to give instead of receive. I also know for me, when I begin to consider what's not working well in my life instead of the other way around, that is a sign of slippage in my program. Judging others, obsessing over my qualifiers and wondering why I can't have an easier path are ideas I no longer can allow rent free in my head.
Grateful for this program and for all of you! The grand-babies are coming over and then I have my meeting today @ noon my time. Make it a great day all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Ms.M. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this powerful concept. I love the fact that we can "help" and serve others while not abandoning ourselves. A great alanon lesson and One I practice with ease.
