The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a mom of an alcoholic. He is 24. I have been attending alanon and trying to work on me. I set a boundary telling him to not come over if he is drinking. He is here and keeps going out to his car. I watched out the window and can see he is drinking. As I am trying to keep the focus on me I know I shouldn't spy on him. Do I just let it go? I am so sad. He is going to die. He was in the hospital last week for a seizure from alcohol withdrawal.
(((Wendy))) remember the First Step-- We are powerless over people, places and things. Confronting a drinker does not usually affect any change, so please try to keep the focus on yourself, recite the serenity prayer and know you are not alone.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this dreadful disease and will hold you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.
(((Wendy))) - welcome to MIP....so glad you found us and glad that you shared. So sorry for the pain you are in - this disease does not discriminate and is so powerful and damaging. I am glad to hear you are going to Al-Anon meetings. For me, these types of situations showed me what a blessing phone numbers were in this program. I was able to reach out in similar situations and get some strength from others that allowed me to break free in moments like this.
I have two sons who are qualifiers for my program. One is active and one is dry right now. I have similar boundaries, and it took time/practice to place my sanity in front of their disease. I have asked my child(ren) to leave when they are under the influence. Of course, they want to deny so other times, I've just suggested it was time for them to go so I could go to a meeting. There is usually not a ton of arguments when I suggest I need to go/do something.
Get some local phone numbers - those folks were my saving grace in times like this. I could text and they would call to 'give me an out'...
Keep coming back - you are not alone. I too will say prayers for you and your son!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have 3 sons, and 1 qualified me for Alanon. I am now at peace with myself and my environment. Alanon helped me to set boundaries and learn to live the life I wanted to live. I studied all the literature hard, went to face to face meetings, and now know a new way of living. I thought hard on how I wanted my life to look like and took one Step at a time. Welcome and keep coming back. linsc
I am sorry you are going through this, its the hardest road Ive travelled. It is sad, very sad when its your child. Im so grateful Ive got alanon. I think the program tells us we are powerless. What difference would it make to chastise him or address it while hes drinking? Its useless. I try to keep in my mind that drinkers are usually so full of guilt and shame and so I dont want to add to that with my son. If this is unacceptable to you then you could set another boundary for yourself, whether that is meeting your son rather than having him coming to your house, that way you can leave if things get too difficult. Maybe planning outings with him, Im not sure. My son cant keep his word on anything, his compulsion to drink is too strong. He wants to but he drinks at every opportunity and his life is going down. Its difficult to watch but I know ive got to be strong and let him fall with no 'help' from me, help only prolonges the inevitable. I also try to remember where theres life there is hope.
