The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I decided to take my XAH back to court. He has told me he will not pay for our son's private school next year but he never provided me with a better solution and didn't move on the suggestions that he made. I went to a lawyer who helped me draft a petition to enforce school choice and in the process, the lawyer adjusted the child support numbers so that the school costs would get covered as part of the child support.
The judge accepted my petition and set a hearing date for later in July. I now have to have my XAH served with court papers. I'm nervous because he is already angry at me for moving in with my boyfriend and for leaving him, etc. Our divorce has been final for well over a year now but my XAH is still drinking a lot and wallowing in self pity and victimhood, as usual. I am worried about what this will do to my son but I felt I had no choice as I can't afford the school on my own. I truly felt that he was bullying me. I asked nicely if my XAH would go to a mediator with me. He refused and basically told me to to go to hell. So, now I'm here and I'm trying to wrap my head around what the next month may feel like. He won't be in the same room with me or near me now but he will be required to do so once we go to court. Sigh.....I just wish he was the type of dad who wanted what was best for his son.
__________________
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Oh girl - the court process always makes me go into projection mode.....and for me, that's never a positive process. Now is the time where our program tools are so helpful - living in the moment, one day at a time, etc. Stay present and don't worry about what's coming. As far as your child, if there is any spray back on him because of you using available resources for your rights and his, I would document and share with the court too.
You left and moved on for a reason. Know your own truth and trust your program and your HP. I'll send positive thoughts and prayers your way!!
When served, if he engages, remember JADE.....that's been so helpful for me when enforcing boundaries...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Good Work Andromeda. I would hire a process server Remember alanon suggest that we not project, stay in the day and trust HP. Positive thoughts and prayers .
Hugs .. it will be ok .. I know it's sooooo hard to face this kind of thing. Once it is done and taken out of his hands it will not be an issue. It is really hard on the kids, that's the unfortunate byproduct of dealing with an unreasonable person the kids pay for it.
I have had that thought many times in the past few years .. there are some people who can't get past their own dysfunction and deal with the present.
Just try and remember his choices are his consequences.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
