The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
both my brothers have had addiction for about 15 years now. The brother I'm closest too or the one I always wanted a relationship with went to prison for 2 years and got out about 1.5 years ago and had been clean for about 3 years or so. He relapsed badly about 6 months ago and is back on the dark Path. My father died last year and my bro and I got so close while he was clean. It's the first time in my whole life I ever had a real relationship with a sibling before. Now he is gone once again. He's in denial. Denial. Denial. Losing weight. Not eating. Irritable. Angry. Stopped working out. And is just not himself. I feel pathetic letting him into my life and getting so close to him. What was I thinking? I feel so sad and broken I feel like I continuously mourn the loss of my living loved ones. My family is so small and all I have are my addicted siblings and my Mom. i just feel so alone. It's so hard
(((Nicole))) Welcome to Miracles in Progress.. I do so understand your feelings and have been there.
I am please to say that thankfully I found alanon face to face meetings and attended It was here that I learned and accepted the truth that alcoholism is a dreadful, chronic progressive fatal disease over which I was powerless. Being kind and compassionate to an alcoholic as with anyone else is a great principle to live by.
In order to continue to love the alcoholic alanon proved me with healthy constructive tools to live by . I learned to focus on myself, live one day at a time, while treating everyone with courtesy and respect without reacting but acting in my own best interest.
Breaking the isolation cause by this disease is crucial to recovery. I urge you to search out alanon meetings in your community. The hot line number is in the white pages Please keep coming back. There is hope.
I just wanted to welcome you. I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling concerning your family members and understand your grief concerning your brother. I hope you can find peace concerning his relapse. I try to concentrate on the good memories I have and am grateful for them. I hope will be more of them for us with our brothers. All we can do is pray for them and just keeping going about our lives. I miss that light I saw in my brother. I miss the brother I knew. (((hugs)))) TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Daniela ftf mtgs help a great deal, its
about us getting better and healthier,
Its not about our qualifiers. Many of us
Come from the disease and/or its dysfunction
So we literally have a lifetime to recover
From then many marry into the disease
Because its what we know.
There are three daily readers to purchase
And a lending library at most mtgs. Alanon
Is about learning new tools to live by such
As healthy boundaries, loving detachment,
Stay in our own hula hoop, stay on your side
Of the street plus much more. Its a spiritual
Program of self growth and self love.
Welcome to the MIP family Daniela, you are not alone!
I have two lovely heathy brothers and that sibling relationship is a really special one. I am so sorry that alcohol has highjacked your brothers' lives and taken them from you - I'm not surprised that you are mourning what could have been. We don't know the future, so the potential is always there and the good times that you have shared are still real and precious. In the meantime, can you use this time to take good care of you?
As I read your post I was sad to see you blaming yourself for the hurt you are feeling. I think that it is ok to love my people, to want to be close to them and it is also ok to realise that at the moment I can not always be supportive of my qualifier's choices (in my case, my husband). I am sad that I don't walk on the same path as him but I can also take pride in my awareness that, for now, my life is my responsibility and I get to choose how I fill my days. I've extended my family to include my friends - people who can enjoy life, laugh and play, empathise and support - it is a conscious choice on my part to reach out for the social connections that sustain me.
Daniela - I too send a warm welcome to you - so glad that you found us and so glad that you shared. I too am sorry for your pain caused by this disease - it is a powerful disease for which there is no known cure. There is a reprieve when one chooses recovery, but for most, it is a daily fight to keep from relapsing.
For me, Al-Anon brought me a peace I did not know I could have while watching my qualifiers with this disease. I found like-minded folks who had also been broken by this disease, and they were loving, kind, caring and supportive. I had friends before but even when I confided in them, they did not understand and offered simple-minded solutions to complex issues. We can not always control who we love or who we are blessed with in our lives and being dismissive was not a choice for me. Walking away has never been an answer I have heard from my gut/higher power. But these program folks, who I now consider part of my family did listen openly, hear my concerns, validate my feelings and share their own experience, strength and hope with me. I was able to honestly share and not be judged or be offered simple-minded solutions to my complex issues.
The program and those who came before me have taught me how to detach with love, how to use program tools to cope and how to find and enjoy peace and serenity no matter what anyone else is/is not doing around me. I have learned that a perfect fairy-tale life is rare as we are all flawed in some way and that's intentional. Nothing happens in my life by accident and if I remain open to what is and what will be, I will be OK no matter what.
We suggest you try and keep the focus on you, attend some Al-Anon meetings and begin to practice anything suggested that may apply to your situation. I am sorry that your brother has relapsed, and I'll send up prayers for you all - recovery is hard but so worth it. He knows now what is waiting for him when he is ready again to seek it.
Keep coming back and (((hugs))) to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It's a family disease, we all get sick. Have you considered alanon ? It helps us recover. Let's us live to the full and not based our happiness on others. Good luck
