The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday was our 39th Wedding Anniversary. No presents, no "happy anniversary", yes a lunch out but it really could have been any other day of the year. The only mention in relation to our Wedding Day was about the difference in weather! I think I'm finally accepting that life is nothing like I wanted it to be as far as love and romance goes. We've started sleeping in sep bedrooms. No sex, no romance, no affection, no connection in fact it seems to take so much effort for him to just look me in the eye during a conversation. I may as well be sharing my home with someone down the road. Yes I know I deserve better, yes I take care of myself, yes I have lots of friends and a couple of very very close ones to lean on when the chips are down. No I'm not going anywhere anymore, we've done that and already too much money has been "wasted" on alcohol and cigarettes etc and two separations and I'm not going to leave my home, I'll end up with not enough to see my days out.
But I get sad when the person I used to love so much prefers to spend his time with whiskey, wine, beer and cigarettes. I can love like there's no tomorrow but the loneliness at home is sometimes a struggle. He used to be a very affectionate kind loving man with a beautiful touch. I don't love him now in fact I dislike him and what he has done to our life. Addiction kills love and romance. I get tempted to talk to him about it but then I remind myself there is no way I can engage in a conversation with someone who has detached from me emotionally and physically.
Such is life. It is beautiful. I have so much to be grateful for. I am new to this online chat thing and wonder whether it's for me. I'm thinking it might be a good way to air my thoughts and wonder whether others feel the same.
Welcome CMW You are not alone. Alcoholism is a chronic progressive fatal disease that can be arrested but not cured. What you are experiencing is not unusual. Living with this disease, we develop many negative coping tools that hurt us.
Alanon is a recovery program for family members and I urge you to search out the face to face meetings in your community and attend. It is here I broke the isolation and loneliness caused by living with the disease and developed new constructive tools to live by. It changed my life. I urge you to attend and keep coming back here as well There is hope. Living one day at a time, focused on ourselves, trusting HP and making daily gratitude and asset lists are a big step to change.
Welcome~I relate to your share and it is very similar to my life. What I thought I had 24 years ago is not what I have now. Maybe we had one good year and then a very slow decent into madness. The last 10-12 have been particularly bad. I'm not in love. We do mutually help each other in different ways but we are roommates for sure. I could never trust my A again. Next year when I retire I'm moving upstate near my son's family. I'll go back and forth for awhile. I love my f2f group and I'm not ready to leave them. But I feel alone most of the time when we are together so if I am all alone upstate I think it will be better. It's very sad to be alone in a marriage. I sensed that you have that as well.
I can say that Alanon has taught me a new way to live my life and I was telling my sponsor a few minutes ago how much I laugh now. I feel happy much of the time and most of my codependency on my A is gone. I have much more appropriate expectations so I don't crash and burn because of what the A is doing. Keep coming back! Lyne
Welcome CMW, I do hope that this online business suits you because I completely relate to your post. Perhaps between us all we can blow some of those lonely cobwebs away and create our own laughter and delight!
I occasionally get hit by a grieving for the marriage that I thought I would have and sometimes have to remind myself that my relationship with my husband does not define me or my life. I prefer to think about the other dreams that I had and take steps to fulfil those instead. I agree, life is beautiful and I want to embrace it, nurture it and fill it with happy memories.
BTW, I wish I could remember that my husband can't really cope with emotional chat - I keep falling down that hole. Hey ho, brush myself down again and. oops, repeat!!! Duh!!!
im a grateful alanon member who had alot of ESH offered to her as I got ready,then left hubby of 25 yrs. it hasnt been always easy but the best thing I did because i was drowning in xah,s addiction. I had completely closed up and temporarily lost my sense of self. Today I live by myself enjoying the things i like, reclaiming who i am and happily am involved with a loving man who encourages my sense of independance etc. If i hadnt left, i would have wasted more of the precious life the HP gave me
I too send warm welcomes to you CMW and can also relate.....what I thought would be is vastly different than what I have - no doubt. I will share that with the help of this program and the support I've gotten since I began recovery, my life is 1000% better than before. I no longer wish for what I don't have but have peace with what I do have. I am grateful for my peace of mind and joy and would not trade it today for my fairy tales of before.
Please keep coming back - you are worth it! F2F (Face to Face) meetings were also a huge help for my recovery as having local people who understood my feelings, situations, etc. was such a relief so many times that I was torn in what best to do next.
(((Hugs))) - you are not alone!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
