The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to share and see if anyone has experienced what I am going through...
I am currently in a phase of recovery where I am letting go of relationships/friendships that are all with alcoholics/ACoA/Codependents. It took me almost 3 years in recovery to finally come out of denial and truly let go. 2 of those people are childhood friends that I have a lot of memories with before the insanity of the disease appeared. Even though I have let go of resentments and I appreciate the memories we built, it is time to move on. I am in a different place in life and I don't receive anything spiritually from those relationships. I tried spending time with them and was left feeling confused and in tears afterwards. I didn't want to let go.
I tried building new friendships with other women that aren't affected by the disease and it's really tough, there wasn't a connection. I now realize I have to build program relationships. I have met one woman at my home meeting that I have really felt a great connection with besides my first sponsor.
I guess I finally turned it over to my HP and the answer was to LET IT GO. I really don't know where those relationships will go but that's none of my business! My only job is to turn it over to my HP and let it go.
I am also currently in a phase in my recovery where I am letting go of a relationship/friendship of an alcoholic/codependent. I am 2 years into my recovery. For the past 2 years since the alcoholic went to rehab (2 years sober for her), I have been reaching out to her. Every time I reach out to her, afterwards I feel anxious and feel lonely. I'm realizing that this friendship is not working for me. It's so hard to detach and I also have no hard feelings or resentments toward her. I just have to Let It Go. and Live & Let Live.
thanks
Janet S
Sandy It sounds as if you are truly keeping the focus on yourself and removing any former relationship that no longer work. We are intended to grow and change in a lifetime . We can bless our friends from our past and let them go Remember people are in our lives for a "reason. a season or a lifetime" keep on taking care of yourself
In recovery and since getting divorced has certainly
changed Many of my relationships. Its unnerving i try
to keep Going forward and meet new healthy people.
Just started going to church i enjoy the fellowship. Need
To start doing healthy outdoor stuff to meet new people
And to feel better.
I also moved so i live in town not where i was for 30 years.
My best friend of 32 years is (I believe) an alcoholic (in denial and no program). She drinks to mask hip pain. We did 'break up' for a year once and I missed her but knew it was best for me. We eventually reconnected and I am able to detach from the insanity that goes on in their home. I spend time with her when she is not drinking, and if she gets to a certain 'point' of drunk, I do the old 'oh look at the time' and leave (without criticizing her behavior or anything). Or I don't answer the phone when I know she is drinking. This works for me.
I have another girlfriend who I work with who is a heavy drinker. Same thing - I pick and choose when I feel in a good enough 'place' to be with her but admittedly, I do not see her socially more than once a month now. We do lunch frequently and that is the better option.
My guy friend I have been casually dating - he drinks a lot of whiskey when we are out. He also has a lot of dysfunction in his large family. That family stuff affects me more than his drinking does right now. I am working on detaching from him.
I struggle with letting people go completely. I guess it depends on the length of the friendship and/or quality of it. The friends in my life - well I adore them. I am not perfect either. But when I feel my own progress slipping , I need to take care of that, and detachment is the key. I have had one female friend that was very damaging to me - she was a narcissist and was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Not a good 'fit' for where I was in my recovery at the time. She made me feel down on myself and crazy. She is one person I eliminated completely.
This is an area I am working on now. Detaching from unhealthy friends that hinder my own recovery progress indirectly, and looking for ways to meet and develop friendships with more fitness minded and spiritually healthy people.
I am a work in progress.
Cyndi
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"There will be an answer. Let it be." ~ The Beatles
Hey there Sandy - great topic and great discussion.....my experience is similar to Cyndy - I had a couple of friends who were troubled - mostly booze and code tendencies. I had to step away for a while and work on me and now I see them once in a while and can detach. I guess I share as if there is anything left to salvage, HP will take care of that too for you!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
