The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know that I shouldn't be angry about this, and usually when I feel angry it is because I am angry at myself but.
Our relationship counsellor's response to my comment that I seemed to have had the emotional systems of PTSD was that my parents had problems and as a child I felt helpless. No mention of what happens when one tries to live with an emotionally abusive alcoholic.
I have thought long and hard about problems that my parents did experience and my childhood experience of them. I am aware of the influence this has had on my adult life, both positive and negative, and I am comfortable with my FOO relationships.
Note to self - get a counsellor who understands the terrain.
Knowing something about the field of mental health, many counselors do not understand addiction and should refer those clients to those who do. I have come across therapists who think they can treat everything, and that is not the case. Alcoholism is a complicated disease, and effects everyone in the environment. I think that's why the board and f2f meetings are so effective. We all get it because we have lived it. You don't even need a special degree if you understand what life is like with an A. {big hug} Lyne
I agree Lyne Thanks for sharing your professional opinion I have found that a sponsor and working the Steps invaluable in tracing and erasing the damage caused to my emotional health because of living with and interacting with this disease. Of coarse it is an on going process and I must maintain my program meetings, slogans steps in order to remain mentally healthy. I left program years ago and discovered that I was not cured only had a reprieve . This is a"we" program and I could not do it alone.
Keep on taking care of yourself Milkwood You are doing great
Lol .. I went to a counselor who happened to attend the open AA meetings I went to .. Honestly .. She did more damage than good .. I was crying in her office when I found out that my x was definitely having an affair .. She actually told me to stop crying lol .. I was so shocked I actually said umm no .. Lol .. I just found out for fact I've been betrayed in a big way and I'm not allowed to grieve?? No. I'm going to finish crying because it's about me not your comfort level lol. I didn't see her much longer after that .. Just because someone has a license in addiction therapy doesn't mean they are good. It's more important to find someone who understands and can relate in a human way thankfully my next therapist rocked socks. So if this isn't working maybe you can find someone who will. Hugs
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Wow, my alcoholic isn't even abusive and I feel like a PTSD sufferer. I know it really isn't to that severity, but it's definitely pavlov type reactions. If she says one or two right phrases in her texts, I know she's drunk, and internally I start the freaking out process. If she makes certain gestures, sounds, or starts this kind of grunting sound like she isn't quite breathing right, I'm triggered. So if you counselor doesn't understand that you can get symptoms like this when you are an adult, then yeah, I would be spitting nails too.
I could see him counseling an army veteran. "So, every time you hear a loud noise, you duck and look for IEDs? What do you think your mother did to make you feel that way?"
Meetings have done me as much good as counselors for the alcoholic kinds of problems. Keep going to those as well!
We went to a counselor once who has long-term sobriety, specializes in family and addiction counseling as well as abuse and a few other areas. This woman is like me in many ways - strong willed, says what she thinks, and she tried big time to referee in our family of 4. One session, she said to me in front of my 2 active sons + my active AH, "You should get a hobby or something."
Needless to say, for a long time after that, any time any of them were annoyed with me, they would say, "You need to get a hobby or something....even the counselor said that." They did not EVER hear or act upon ANY suggestion they were given nor did they even consider being slightly honest. The counseling was a huge bust as were all the other sessions I tried to arrange when I was in Fix-It mode.
That experience taught me that even when they are experienced or have specialties, they can affect/impose negative changes if it's not taken seriously or one/more have no interest in improving things. Like this program, if I ever see a counselor again, I will do it for just me. My sponsor is a licensed counselor/therapist and she says many are as sick or sicker than we are....you really need to do your homework.
Education is one thing - experience is another. I have spent so much time trying to find the right mix of services to fix us and it's been pointless as I am the only one who sees any issues.
I am so sorry for your frustration - I hear you and fully understand what you are saying.....sending you positive thoughts and prayers for your best next step!!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When I'm upset and put it out there here at MIP change does happen. Your feedback is awesome. For a moment there I thought I was alone!!
Lyne, thank you - when I read your comment I felt so blessed that these boards include expertise like yours.
I agree Iamhere - my 'fixit' triggers are fired when I sit in counselling sessions and that just isn't good for me. Plus, I also have the sense that her FOO comments will come back to haunt me soon enough!!
I have written to the counsellor explaining why I am uncomfortable working with her and that I will not be attending any more sessions.
Kenny, you hit the nail on the head with your army vet comparison - thank you all.
Hugs milkwood. I think I would not attend sessions with someone who understood the situation so poorly either. Good on you for giving her feedback as to why, too. I have to admit, I probably wouldn't have thought to do that and instead just cancelled any appointments. Your way is more productive and I am going to remember it.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Good on you milkwood for your processing and decision! It has taken me a long, long time to realize that if I don't advocate for me, nobody else will either.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
