The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about detaching with love. The reminder and quote are very powerful -----
Today's reminder --- I am learning the difference between help and interference. Today I will examine the way I offer support.
Today's quote --- "Detachment did not mean disinterest....I considered detachment 'respect for another's personhood." from Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism
In the program, we talk often about the need to let others experience the consequences of their actions. We know that most alcoholics must hit a bottom and become uncomfortable with their own behavior before they can/will do something about it. Those of us who love alcoholics often have to learn to get out of the way so they can hit their bottom. We work to learn how to detach with love.
Another purpose in detaching is to learn how to build healthy, loving, respectful relationships. Many of us have interfered not only with a loved one's problems but also with their achievements. Even when we have the best of intentions, when we do for others that which they should do for themselves, we rob them of the chance to do it themselves, and to feel good about their success. Our intent of offering help might instead be received as a lack of respect for another's capabilities.
When we can detach with love, we offer support by freeing others we care about to experience their satisfactions and disappointments in life.
Before I arrived at Al-Anon, I was a smothering momma! My boys were deep in this disease, active always, and I was the queen of fixing, rescuing, enabling. It has not been easy to let go and allow them to live, learn and grow their own way, but it was absolutely necessary for my own sanity. I am one who believes I delayed their bottom by my style of love and it was unhealthy for us all.
Having some self confidence restored and keeping my motives in check, I am better at discerning between service and enabling. By focusing on my own hula-hoop and trusting a power greater than myself, I am better at detaching with love. I am a slow learner but slowly have learned that my hopes, dreams, feelings and life are important and matter. I was placed here to be happy, joyous and free while being of service.
Thank you MIP family for being here! (((Hugs))) to all and make it a great Thursday!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
This is such a core tenet of my program. Thank you for your insights.
It was my step work to see my part in the situation and forgiving myself. I appreciate you mentioning why you are placed here. OK that made me smile this morning as I read this.
(((Jill))) - grateful that you got a smile out of this post! If I am being serious, before program, I thought I was here to serve others. Daughter, Sister, Cousin, Friend, Employee, Wife, Mother, Cook, Laundress, Chauffeur, etc. Never, ever would I have put myself first before working this program to see and feel as if I am worthy of happiness, pure joy and freedom from what others do, say, feel, etc.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
