The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. this is my first time posting something but I really don't know where else to turn. My husband is an alcoholic. We have 3 beautiful boys and have been together for almost 8 years now. In the past 2 years he has been in and out of rehab twice. The last time I really thought he had it. He was sober for six months. The day he moved back in he started drinking again. I should have stuck to my guns then, but I always want to believe he'll change. That he's sorry and really wants it. Fast forward one year and we are still in the same boat. One week here, a month there, but never can seem to make it stick. Am I crazy to still have hope? Will the cycle ever end?
Lsh welcome to the board...I feel your depression. We have all been thru the hopeless stages of alcoholism and many of us come to find that it is only temporary. We did that often by following the suggestions of the member who came before us and found happiness and sanity and serenity whether the alcoholic continued to drink or not. First suggestion is find a face Al-Anon family group meeting and attend as quickly and often as you can take a seat and listen to the group with an open mind and learn what we have one day at a time. Get the literature that the meetings offer and start reading so that you can also come to understand this disease and what the consequences of it are without recovery.
Keep coming back here also...often so that we can continue to support you with your own recovery. Loosing hope is temporary only when we sit with and recover with the winners in Al-Anon. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome, Lsh, glad you reached out. I feel for you, I had similar feelings and a cycle of of worry, hope, and despair before I found AlAnon. I'm with Jerry, meetings are very helpful and a place to remember that we are not alone. My daily readings have also helped me immensely.
It was a big help to narrow my focus to the things I could control, and even then, just one day at a time. I still rely on this to get me through some days! Hang in there, join us here to share and see if you can try to make it to a meeting. Glad you're here
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
If you keep doing the same things you will get the same things. Alanon meetings, learning this program and learning new thought processes drove the change in my life after spending almost 20 years in the same cycle like you've described, over and over again. Its the definition of insanity. Losing hope can mean you are reaching your own bottom and seeing things as they really are. Its unlikely to change unless he gets his own recovery program and you too.
Lsh8175 - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and so glad you shared. Your story is familiar to me as well - alcoholism is a progressive disease that reaches out and affects most who love or live with an alcoholic. Recovery is the best suggestion for those affected by the disease and there is hope, help and peace to be found in a recovery program.
Al-Anon has shown me that I am not responsible for others - their disease, their choices, their actions or reactions. I am responsible for my own, and in my case, this disease brought out the worst in me. I had adopted distorted views and reactions as a result of living with this disease, and my worry, thoughts, and many actions were all consuming towards things well beyond my control or influence.
It is in Al-Anon that I found the support, courage and tools to be different and do different. I too would suggest local meetings as a starting point - you will find others who understand and can support you as you move forward.
Keep coming back - you are not alone and there is hope!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sending you a virtual hug as I know how hard this is, especially when you are a mother and trying to protect your kids from this disease. I hope you can find a face-to-face meeting near you to attend. I found this to be a life saver to me when my husband was at his worst. Sending your many prayers and please keep coming back.
