The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c talk about the use of sarcasm as a weapon, noting that it does nothing to help fix the problems in a relationship or interaction; it might provide a temporary bit of satisfaction but in the long run does more harm than good.
The reading suggests that when feeling frustrated with a person or situation, or feeling helpless or angry, it might be better to call an al-anon friend or attend a meeting and see if it alters our perspective or alternately, writing down all of the angry nasty things we wish to say to someone but then not sharing it with the person; then we can release the angry words inside without hurting the other person and go on to handle things in a way that we can feel good about.
The reading reminds us that most people already carry a great deal of shame, and adding to that with cruel words adds not only to the shame of the other person but to our own as well.
"Everyone in an alcoholic situation deserves extra loving care" (Living With Sobriety)
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It's true that when I lash out and hurt someone, in the end I hurt both of us and help no-one. Writng down the anger and then burning it is a great way to release it; I once did this in regards to my partner (I didn't hold back either) and wrote out every angry judgemental or even cruel thought I had about him (surprised the paper didn't burst into flames as I was writing it really) and then burned it. I was surprised by the viciousness of some of what came out but then, I burned it, and felt more able to deal with those feelings without having hurt anyone. Really handy exercise, that one!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks MissMel for the daily, your service and your ESH! I've had a busy day - out late last night, up early, 2 grand babies over for fun/games/play, a F2F meeting and then errands!!! We have hot...hot....hot weather - 100 degrees today. So - glad I am done for a few days running around and am a tired gal!
I know that sarcasm is a weapon of old for me. It was taught at an early age and is one of my oldest habits that I possess. My best 'combat' against using it is my new tool - learned here in Al-Anon - PAUSE. That simple but powerful word has helped me more than I probably even know as I was a quick to react, quick to fire back, quick to .... before this program. Just adding a pause to situations that cause me anxiety or discomfort just allows me to truly assess where I am. I can consider one word responses (Yes/No) learned in Al-Anon, I can consider if I am HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired - I can pray, I can step away and call a program friend.....the program has given me an arsenal to make a choice to be/do/act/react differently - it's on me to pull the bag out and pick.
I agree with you about self-inflicted pain when I slip in this program. I honestly believe when we have reached a level of peace and grace, we feel worse than any other person when we use an old behavior such as sarcasm. I know my heart hurts until I do what I can to right my wrong. Progress is a great thing!!
Thanks for all you do girl and huge (((hugs))) to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
