The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Many of us look at this and pause, longer than necessary and many more are not ready/willing to consider making amends to some we have hurt.
The reading suggests if we consider our list, and find we are not willing to make amends to some at this time, that is OK. We can divide our list of persons in three - those we are willing to make amends to and those we are not and lastly those which fall into the maybe category. The writer did then move forward to Step 9, and began amends with those on the relative list.
As the writer proceeded through their step work, some of the maybe folks easily shifted to the willing list. Also, some of the on the not list shifted to the maybe list. As the writer continued, amends to all persons became easier as their is a true reward resulting from our action with this step. We often find renewed friendships, improved family ties and an ability to face each new day without guilt simply resulting from owning our part in life events.
Today's Reminder --- I will not let myself be stopped from taking Step 8 or Step 9 because I can't do it perfectly overnight. I will let myself be where I am today, and do what I am able to do.
Today's Quote from Confucius --- "It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."
I can relate to this reading and remember my mindset when I got to my list. My mind often takes simple instructions and complicates them. My sponsor reminded me often and always that all of these steps, written as they are, are not about humiliation and shame but instead are about personal growth and healing. Freedom for me came through the ability to own my part, amend anything I could resulting from my part and working hard to not repeat those same habits, patterns or ways. I could not move forward without doing what was asked to be best of my ability as the habits I had developed as a result of this disease were still 'fresh' in my brain. For me, the only way to change was to clean up the wreckage of my past as best I could without regard for what others did, said or intended.
I can be lazy at times, so some of the action steps looked painfully hard at first glance. What I find is once I start with an open mind, none of them are as bad as I projected them to be! The action steps gave me insight into the power of healing through processing - I now truly enjoy writing about 'it', talking about 'it' and praying about 'it'....it helps me let go and let God and is a good habit for my recovery.
Make it a great day MIP family - I am grateful you all are here and I am on this recovery journey with each of you!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Love all the Steps This one was frightening at first. My sponsor suggested that I place myself at the top of the Amends list and then begin to make amends to myself first. I could do this by attending meetings, focusing on myself, using slogans and gratitude lists as I was rebuilding my self esteem.
It worked!!! I could then see how I had hurt others and become willing to make amend. Not saying "I am sorry" i could do this without difficulty, I would apoligize for everything to make situations calm, but by owning my part and changing my attitude and actions. Great stuff. Thanks for your service. I was at the beach again today so I am late in replying. Hope you are continuing to recover without a glitch.
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-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:10:24 AM
I was horrified by how long the list of people I felt I owed amends to was! I think the first time I did it, it had basically every person I had ever met (and some I hadn't). Quite seriously, lol. That indicated to me that I probably wasn't ready to do it yet. I also found I struggled a great deal with certain people who had harmed me a great deal...did I owe them amends if deep down I believe I acted in self-defense or was provoked beyond my limits? But the point of course, is that i was tormented by my bad behaviour, not whether or not anyone else was 'due" anything. Funny what a huge relief it is when you finally own your stuff. I could probably stand to revisit this step and attend to that 'maybe" pile. I too hope you are healing OK and apologise that I have been more or less absent/not responding to the dailies; I'm in the middle of exams and caught a flu just to add to the challenge
-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 11:10:47 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Betty - you and the beach - *sigh* - so happy for you and seeing beaches in my dreams!! Glad you had a day to hang there - it's such a lovely place to be/see...
MissMel - we've missed you!! I do understand and hope you can get over your flu and rock those exams. Hang tough - it will pass soon enough!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hope you are continuing to recover without a glitch.