Dating .. - Al-Anon Family Group

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Dating ..

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Serenity I decided to use program tools while dating. This meant that I did not play the "Game", I was honest, and open as I placed principles above personalities , said what I meant and meant what i said but did not say it mean. It worked I felt empowered, while being open and able to connect .

Take what you like and leave the rest. Trust HP and have fun.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I just don't get it .. Do I text him or not .. At this point I feel like he needs to do some work on terms of I'm teaching him how to treat me. I'm not liking where this is leading. It reminds me to much of my X so sitting back is probably a good thing. We will see.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey serenity, you look great. So glad you are dating again, sounds so familiar. Im new to it too and have been seeing a guy now for almost 1 year to the day. I felt like you too. I was so uncertain about the rules or the 'game' and the whole thing was frustrating but also a little exciting. I often thought hes not that into me and if he was he would call or text or whatever etc and I got a bit obsessed with the whole thing and a few times told him to get lost. Lol. I got a bit manic at times and then after a little while I used my program and let it go and then it all came together much better but I do admit to placing my serenity in the hands of this man early on and can do at times but I know it belongs solely in my hands. Time has shown me how much I mean to him and its the little things but they took time.

I keep reminding myself that I found happiness alone, serenity alone and I know how to live fully now so if it works out or not I know I have this program and I will be alright no matter what. Good luck and try to enjoy the ride, all of it, its pretty exciting.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Exactly EC!!! I'm just like ok .. I feel like I'm dancing the waltz when the cha cha is playing!!

So I am just trying to breathe .. I don't like the fact he has not reached out however I just decided I'm not going to reach out today because I don't know what's going on with him and it could be he is aware I have a lot going on today and may have his own concerns about crowding me. I still go back to the fact I shut my account down and he might have had a deer in the headlight look happening when he realized .. those are the things I just wish he would ask about if that's an issue.

These dating sites are just brutal though, there are few I just do not venture on because I know my ego could not take it.

LOL!

Anyway, I'm just trying to keep things in perspective and not over analyze. It is what it is .. in the mean time I have plans to go out with a girlfriend tonight so we will have fun and I will try not to obsess .. LOL!!

S :)

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I met my man on zoosk and I am very greatful that I found him. He ignored me after our first email for a month. Yes, a month! He didn't have a smart phone and he went out of town for a week for work, when he got back he had his kids and they had sports and were busy after his 12 hour work days. So I carried on talking with other guys and let him go. A month later I was talking with another guy, still hadn't met him, but were working out our first date details. Then my boyfriend emails me this long email about he had been so busy and wasn't sure he was ready, but couldn't get me out of his mind after all our chatting on the site. So we had our first date, that was 2 years and 3 months ago and next week we move in together. I had a hard time not moving too fast at first, then I slowed down too much out of fear, but slowly and steadily I learned how to date someone without rushing too fast or running for the hills everytime we had a disagreement. It isn't easy, but my two cents, say what you need to say. Glad you are putting yourself out there again.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Men are weird .. Lol .. Nothing again today .. So I'm just letting it ride. For me that is actually huge growth .. In the past I would have been texting and obsessing .. Now I'm just obsessing and still talking to other's at this point. Oh well lol and sigh.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I hear you Serenity Good work, I have never used on line dating sites so am unfamiliar with the dating protocol.
It seems that you are taking care of yourself and refusing to chase after anyone. Love what BF shared.

Trust HP, you will connect and they will be the fortunate one.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I like men :) Women make awesome friends and are much easier to talk to though.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

And dating games are not all bad. There is some thrill involved in courting.

andromeda · ~*Service Worker*~

Ok, you need to text me girl! I went through all of this and MORE! My current bf is NOT good at picking up at subtle hints and, to his defense, he felt that he was giving me space because he is naturally inclined to be very independent but also that he knew I wasn't sold out on him and that I might be wanting to keep my options open. After a few months of me going crazy in the head wondering why he didn't text back right away, why can't he take 3 seconds to just say 'good morning', or just respond back, I finally just talked to him about it and got his perspective.

He basically told me that he was giving me space and that he doesn't like to text. That he likes to deal with what's directly in front of him at that moment whether that be his kids, his job, or even watching a movie on TV. I learned that if I wasn't right in front of him physically, that he wasn't as tuned in to 'us'. Many women wouldn't be able to handle that but I needed it because he was right.....I was keeping my options open whether I like to admit it or not. I would have run scared for the hills if he had over texted me or expressed his undying love for me at the 3 month mark!

So, when I told him that I needed more communication from him and that I was hurt because we would spend 4 days straight together but then we'd go 3 days apart and he would only text me once or twice, he looked shocked and told me that his intent wasn't to hurt me. I asked him to increase his communication and to please respond and I promised I wouldn't overdo the texts, either. Hey, I am a busy working single mom just as he was a busy single working dad so we talked and we made it work.

We made it work because we wanted each other, because we clicked, and because we knew we had something to build on. I remember a program friend of mine saying, "What if, B, what if you ever live with J and you guys build a life together? At that point, you wouldn't be worried about whether he'd call that night or whether he'd text because you'd see him at home. Do you think that's a possibility down the road with him someday?" HAHAHAHAH.......at that point (like 6 months into my relationship with J) I said, "WHAT? No. I don't see that happening anytime soon. This guy moves slow as molasses. I mean, come on, it took him until date 5 to even kiss me and then a few other dates before sex. SLOW........!!!" Well, look where I am today......I live with the man and it was he who brought it up, not me! I still wonder if I jumped the gun on the living together thing because I was really enjoying my routine, my way of doing things, etc and blending families and habits and parenting styles, etc has shown me that we had better be a united front because it ain't easy, but so far it's been worth it!

Today I love the man and it grows every day. The other night I was 'off' when I came home from work. I couldn't focus, I was frustrated about a meeting I had with my boss and was distracted so I was clumsy while preparing dinner, I had dropped something in the kitchen, and had to laugh at myself at that point. My bf came over and was like, "What is wrong with you? Silly woman, the cauliflower is spread all over the counter, lol!" I looked up at him and smiled and laughed and he put his arms out for a hug so I could bury my head in his shoulder and just pulled me in and we laughed with each other because it apparently looked like I was losing my mind that night. It's moments like those that remind me that we love each other. He may not be the best communicator when we're apart, but I was able to deal with it and focus on other things and just let the relationship unfold as best as I could (and while even keeping my options open, lol) and today I can accept him and accept 'us' as we are. There are no guarantees in life and I sometimes wonder if I will fall in love with other men over the next 30 years, maybe 3 or 4 more, lol? Or maybe God's plan is that my current guy will be my man until death separates us? I don't know. We both have the same perspective and we just enjoy the relationship where it is TODAY. I had to do that at every phase and man, it was hard for the first 6 months. I kept a dating journal and it really helped me to see just how crazy I got in the head at times. I haven't written in that journal now for about 2 months.....maybe I should?

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

LOL PINK!! I like the courting games .. I do not like this whole phenomena of ghosting, the odd thing is this it's not this guys MO. I did not get a read on that. I'm pretty sharp at seeing if someone will stick around or not. So I'm actually hoping everything is ok with him. Unless he chooses to reach out after the fact I guess I won't know. We would have been a LOT of fun together because we have very similar personalities which again is why I say .. totally outside the norm.

I went out by myself last night .. LOL .. I forgive my girlfriend for ditching our date. Well, I went and heard some wonderful jazz music, hung out at the bar and drank my water/diet coke. LOL .. it was a LOT of fun. I'm telling you I went for the eye candy and was not disappointed however ALL GAY!! This is God's wicked sense of humor which I love .. LOL. I did get to have a couple of lovely conversation and a seriously FUNNY moment in the elevator with 3 gay couples and a gal friend of theirs.

We were all packed in and they were very confused .. I knew exactly what they had done because I did the same thing .. LOL!! Me being me .. did anyone actually press the button or are we waiting for more people (eyebrow raised). I barely fit in .. LOL! They laughed and no one would say if they had or not .. so I lean over and say I know the 1 has a star by it however it's actually the 1R .. LOL!! I just did this dance with a girlfriend of mine!! We sat in the elevator for a good 3 min just dying laughing because I had kept pressing the wrong button NOT once!!! MULTIPLE TIMES! So finally one of the guys sheepishly says .. that's what I did .. LOL LOL LOL!!! They were a lovely group and apparently all knew each other so when we got out the bid me goodnight and went on their way.

I went home and was tucked in well before 2AM and had a very lovely time. I did ache to have someone with me to share it with then I thought no .. it would have been much harder to enjoy the music. I hate trying to talk over live music and the venue was very small. Again God's wicked sense of humor .. LOL .. so I am thinking there is more to the story.

S :)

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

AAAANNNDDDD .. he text me .. LMAO .. now I'm going .. I'm not responding .. GRRRR ..

I am going with the texting program of it can wait. I'm having coffee and reading here enjoying myself.

Hugs S :)

-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Saturday 11th of June 2016 08:34:14 AM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Great News

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Well don't know how great it is however I was able to at least step back and get some clarity for myself.

Once again ghosting, so let him ghost. I have a lot of other things going on that I need and should be focused on so I'm just going to keep moving forward. This is a really hard place for me to be .. he's being very clear through his actions there is something going on and whatever it is I guess he's just going to have to work it out.

BLAH .. oh well it's not like he's the only one out there, and I have been having a nice time chatting with another guy.

Hugs S :)

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Serenity your humor cracks me up! I've purposely kept myself out of the game entirely for going on five years, deciding I needed time to put humpty dumpty back together again. Because of the A, I ditched a lot of things that made me, ME and I needed to get back to who I feel I was intended to be, before anything else. It doesn't mean I haven't thought about it, but my thoughts go more in the direction of, what do I want, what do I not want kind of thing. One thing I do want is someone who has his own life because I value the freedom and space I have now. Someone with their own life won't text me on command. Friday I had my first date of sorts since my A last walked out my door! He is someone I've spoken to on numerous occasions, had long conversations when we've just run into each other and I finally determined that I wanted to know him better because of the content of his words, and how I felt every time I ran into him. In the five hours we were together I noticed he had indications that he received messages on his phone but he ignored them, didn't even LOOK at his phone - and I really liked that. When we started texting back and forth about a month or so ago, I noticed big gaps in time when I would hear from him - weird feelings trying to come over me, like something wrong with me - low self-esteem trying to re-rear its ugly head and I would just get busy thinking/doing something else because at this point, we ain't committed, he ain't necessarily the one for me, I don't know enough about him yet to determine if I want him in my life, and he doesn't know me either. AND - I am too good of a person, too smart, funny, kind and thoughtful, I know that I am definitely worth having a good man in my life! I am trusting in God that IF he is someone I'm meant to have in my life, then it will be, if not, acceptance (and get busy so I don't over think it!). My five year moratorium on relationship thinking is about up and I have decided that I am looking for my last relationship, period and its going to be everything a relationship should be, or darn close and that's worth waiting for!

And - we spent five hours together, laughing and talking, wound the evening down with me teaching him a dice game (10,000) and him teaching me a card game (maybe it was called four kings?) and we could have talked longer/more but it was approaching midnight and we both have early mornings! I will see him again tonight in a more social gathering and am looking forward to it - seeing more of how he is with others and in a social group.

And - ha, final thought niggling to be written down - I don't want or need and I would go running, from someone who texted me and got weird because I didn't text back right away because I'm busy, I like my space, I don't want needy, sometimes you can't text, sometimes (oohh I am so guilty of this one) I read a text but can't respond and forget. When I was first texting him, the thoughts of "well, i'm not gonna text him back right away..." would pop into my brain followed by, what am I, four? lol, no! I'm an adult, we're not married, the reasons to NOT continue a relationship are much bigger than whether or not he texts me back as quickly as I think he should.

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

It took a few years before I found a good relationship with someone. I did meet him through online dating which really surprised me. I think I was a little naive when I began. I thought everyone was looking for a committed one to one relationship. There are a lot of people with their own agenda in these sites. Sometimes it isn't evident at first. I began to wonder about guys who never came out from behind the screen to meet in person. Also when someone was new to me, I had some boundaries in place concerning texting. It was a way of scoping out who was really available both emotionally as well as not married or in another relationship. I wasn't interested in being someone's other option.

I met just about everyone in person who didn't send up any red flags online. At first, I limited those meetings to maybe an hour or less if it we both felt it was just awkward. Later, I found that when I changed my thinking about the person I was meeting as a prospective romantic partner, I could relax and just enjoy the company of another person and maybe make a new friend. I actually did make a few that way. It was actually a great way to network concerning my job search, learn about great groups where I could meet new people, travel destinations I never explored and an opportunity to learn how to have an engaging two way conversation. After living with an active A, I definitely needed a refresher course in that area with men.

As far as closing down your profile even temporarily, my experience and what others told me as well is that closing or hiding your profile tend to imply you are no longer available. I only did this when I chose to take a break from dating or when a man and I mutually agreed to do so because we felt we wanted to pursue a relationship. If that wasn't the case, I continued enjoying fun new restaurants, activities and learning more about who I am in the company of differing personalities and people with interests that differed from my own. I love getting to know new people and learning new things! I found I kept myself out of obsessing about any one person by remaining open to new experiences and new people. Of course, there usually was someone I hoped things would work out with but I remained busy enjoying life, my friends and potential new friends. I hope you have a lot of fun dating. There are some toads out there but there really are a lot of good people too. I attended a planned get together of people from one site at bar. I found that very helpful for seeing who was who and how people were in person.

I met someone online when I was about to take another break from it. I basically told hp I'm done, please pick for me. The next person was actually right for me. We took it one day at a time and it's six years now.

You look great! I love your new hair color. Have fun! This is your time! You deserve all the positive attention you're receiving. If you keep your program and your hp in front of you, you'll make great connections! ((((hugs))) TT

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Ohhh yes why I am keeping my mouth shut and just doing me as far as the weird texting deal .. I don't want to be THAT girl that is the needy weird one especially when there has been no communication .. I'm also not going to settle for the fact of get your stuff together or not. It irritates me that we had been talking daily .. that's what I don't understand .. communicate .. hey .. this is to much I need space .. so I haven't text him since our last exchange and I left him with a question in terms of how he was doing .. I won't text again .. let him figure it out.

Yes, shutting my account down probably was an error on my part .. so NOW I don't want to reopen it yet (I will probably in a couple of weeks things in my own life will be more settled too) because then what kind of messed up message am I sending?? I really messed up on that one .. LOL!! Seriously speaking I have to deal with so many scammers that I am just not interested in trying to sort through at the moment the issue with free sites .. LOL! Anyway, I had to laugh I did get rid of one who had attached himself to me .. again this is what happens when I get totally bored .. I wind up playing because I can, I waited for him to do the I'm going to be leaving for Nigeria in the morning .. and reported his account on a different social network.

I do need to keep a check on how much I'm relying on attention to make me feel better about me. So I just kind of figure that I will keep things on what I need basis.

Hugs S :)

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

I like that last thought, relying on attention to make me feel better about me - good one - rings of "what you think of me is none of my business" to me.

I dallied in online stuff years ago but it just wasn't right for me. #1 I wasn't really looking, #2 I like to talk in person, read body language, inflection, does the smile/laugh reach their eyes, etc. and #3 I want someone close to home. Ok so there's a #4 - Written words get misunderstood.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

I like online just based upon it gives me a little opportunity to get a feel for someone .. LOL .. I DO like the human interaction and I find that people DO hide behind the screen instead of meeting .. so my feeling is this .. 10 days of consistent talking and then I want to meet. That eliminates a lot of guessing and unrealistic expectations. It's been working well. I haven't met a bunch of people however the ones I have .. seriously have changed my perspective in a positive way.

So I figure no matter what I am blessed and things have been a lot of fun!!

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

I feel like dino the dinosaur, i have no interest
In dating sites or dating. I do not really like
Facebook for so many of the same reasons.
I call it fake book my ex loved that and the
sexting Texting addict stuff so i guess a lot
of his Bad stuff is still triggering me.

I love men and i love to interact and have fun
Just not in a romantic way. I find now i am keeping
Myself away from men i think would push those
Boundaries, now that i am single.

Just had one at church he gave me a big smile
And i smiled back and i kept moving. I am not
Sending out vibes or opening those doors until
I am ready. He seems nice and i sometimes see
Him at the supermarket.

One of my friends from alanon she is doing the
Online dating and chatting and she says it helped
Her with detaching and moving on after her long
Term relationship ended.

Hugs love your growth and courage

((((((( serenityrus ))))))

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I also liked what you said about obsession and not relying on attention to make you feel better. I think about that too. After being on my own for four years and learning how to take responsibility for myself in terms of happiness and self worth I have found I have given some of that away. The man Im seeing is lovely, he says lovely things to me, he is romantic and seems to be into me. He also has a life of his own and I have gotten confused with texts and the gap between them, attaching meaning to that and being needy. Hate to say it but I have. Ive put some of my worth in his hands based on his nice words or his attention.

I have also found that since I lost weight over a year ago and started to really care about my appearance, again a new thing, I have gotten a lot of attention from men and its made me feel good and surprised. I have been so closed to that for so long and I enjoyed it and somehow its became a validation and I hate that because I learned to value myself for myself. Wearing make up and making the best of myself was originally a reflection of my recovery, like the just for today suggests, 'look as well as you can' adn my new confidence that has grown with this program and is due to the changes in me but the attention I have got has boosted my ego, my inflated ego was back down to size and now it can reach new heights at times and Im looking outwards again for that validation which I can recognise and I dont like it. So every day I look in the mirror and put my make up on and remind myself its for me to make me feel good to help me confident as I go about my day. Its not for men. I try not to put value on anyones opinion of me, good or bad opinions if I can help it but its easy to fall into that trap and put your self worth in the hands of someone with little experience for the job.

I think its great you are already aware of it. I never saw it coming myself. Anyway, enjoy the ride, its nice most of the time.

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Great awareness elcee, there are many traps
In the dating world. I already lived the hard
And fast Life before i got married so i dont
need to Walk on many of those dysfunctional
shores ever again.

Its scary now to me to even venture out
There. I think i need a lot more recovery
And spirituality in place. My boundaries are
Pretty good or getting better.

I need to lose weight, eat right, exercise, no
more Emotional eating. I was a size five and
never Went out without makeup on when i
was single.

I have always battled my weight, its the
Emotional eating and poor coping skills.

Great discussions even though not into Dating.

(((((( hugs ))))))

CyndiODAT · Senior Member

I haven't' had a chance to read all the comments thoroughly yet, but I will share my experience.

I have been single and dating for almost 6 years. One 'longer' relationship, and a few 2-4 month kind of things. Some men I dated or met are still good friends. I have learned these things over the years:

- If the guy is interested in the girl and truly wants the girl, the girl will have NO doubt that he is interested. He calls, he texts, he arranges for a next date as soon as possible.

- Men do what they want to do. If they want to call, they will call. IF they want to send a text, they send a text. If they don't want to, they don't. They just don't think about it as 'carefully' as women do.

- When I am unsure of someone's intentions or 'feeling' about our connection in the early stages, I use 'mirroring'... I do what he does. If he texts me, I happily respond. If he calls, I answer or return the call and cheerfully talk with him. If days go by with nothing, I wait to hear from him, and when he texts, I respond. I just let him 'do' what he wants. Meanwhile, I am still busy in my life, perhaps also seeing or chatting with other potential dates as well. Think 'light and breezy'. Men want a lady who is happy, easy going, independent and BUSY in her own life. This is not playing hard to get. This is LIVING MY LIFE, and a good guy will want to EARN HIS PLACE in it.

- When I stay busy in my own life - pursuing my passions, spending time with girlfriends, my kids, engaging in my workplace and working on my own development, I find that I don't fall into 'other-focused' thoughts as much. And also, men seem to appreciate and admire women who have their own stuff going on, and then manage to find time to have with them as well.

- I don't like to play dating 'games', but my principles are generally traditional, and I believe the man should do most of the initial reaching out. If they don't demonstrate initiative or interest, it's probably because they aren't interested. However, if I feel compelled to say hi or share something cool or funny in my day, I have no problem randomly sending a text, and I do not expect any 'outcome' (response). Men do not need to be reminded that I exist. If they do, they are not the one for me.

- When I go on first dates now, I do not get nervous or hope that he is going to like me. The purpose of dating for me has become, 'do I like this person? Is HE worthy of my time and attention and is he someone I can see myself smiling and enjoying activities with?'

- When I am actively online dating, I usually have 2-3 different people that I am chatting with and getting to know. Dating is about meeting people and seeing what I like and don't like. I enjoy hearing people's 'story' and enjoy getting to know them. That way I am not investing all my energy and focus into 'one' person for a few weeks only to be disappointed when I could have been enjoying and getting to know others more suitable. There is absolutely nothing 'wrong' with dating more than one person. (this is not the same as being intimate with more than one person though). Sometimes I have two different dates in a week. Again, by 'dates' I mean - a couple hours out with someone having conversation, getting to know each other more to see if there is something worth pursuing. This sometimes takes a month or more.

- My philosophy, using program tools to date - 'One Date At A Time' If I go out with someone, and I enjoy it and we mutually had a great time together, then yes, let's do it again! And the next date leads to the next date leads to the next... that's how 'relationships' are grown. It doesn't happen after 2 or 3 or even 4 outings together - so I make no assumptions of exclusivity.

- And on the note of exclusivity.... until a guy specifically asks me to be his girlfriend, or some other verbiage indicating he wants a relationship, I am a single woman dating.This doesn't mean I have to throw that in his face. If a man wants me all to himself, HE needs to demonstrate that to me. If I want to ask that of a man, then I have to have a clear conversation, but again... for me, I would not ask for exclusivity unless we have been dating about 3 months. (depending on how much time we have spent together but for me it seems about 2-3 months)

But at the end of the day, for me - If someone is truly 'in' to 'me', I know it and can feel it. Sometimes it is welcomed, sometimes not But there is never a doubt.

Have fun with it, take the time to meet as many as you can! I try to Be easy about it - stay relaxed, keep my sense of humor and try not to overthink. Easy Does It works for me!

Hugs,
Cyndi

-- Edited by CyndiODAT on Sunday 12th of June 2016 04:22:20 PM

-- Edited by CyndiODAT on Sunday 12th of June 2016 04:23:40 PM

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

EC -

Self esteem over ego is so much more important. Last night while I was out with my girlfriend at dinner I got stopped 3x about my boots (not the little girl red ones either .. LOL) and my look .. I was a hot mess .. in the literal sense of the word .. LOL .. between the heat, rain and then muggy temps my hair was wild, I did not bother with make-up there was no point with the rest of it going on .. LOL .. I looked like a wild thing just out of the jungle. I did laugh at myself and think see .. it's about so much more than just the package it is the vibe .. it is the feel goods that come from the inside out. It does make me laugh a great deal. I want more .. I want the whole package ... someone who cares about me, someone who wants to know me, and someone who is willing to be all in. The other stuff really will work itself out if I stop overthinking three quarters of the deal. I really didn't know how terrible I am at communication until all of this came up. There was a lesson though and that is a good thing. I'm trying to decide if I want to get back up on the site or not so we'll see.

My daughter laughs at me all the time .. she is so funny. She always is telling me that I just always have a large sense of self-confidence and I look like I know where I'm going and what I'm doing all I can think is I have the world fooled!!! I really don't. Apparently I carry the vibe .. LOL. That's not about ego or at least I don't think so. I find now I make a WHOLE lot more eye contact and I smile a whole lot more so that makes people feel that they can approach me too.

I do have to work on my boundaries. HP is going to have to sort a few things out without question. So I figure I will give the situation over and just go from there.

Hugs S :)

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Cyndi .. I REALLY liked what you had to say and that's where I'm trying to be .. Ugh. So my radar was/is right .. Something did happen and it's actually amazing he text me Saturday at all. He's actually been in and out of the hospital for a last few days. So I am asking for prayers. He will have answers by Tuesday. I think I've met the responsible male version of me. We have a lot of the same personality traits good and not so good Lol. Anyway .. One girlfriend insisted i reach out one more time. I will tell you I fought her big time. I did and I'm so glad I did .. He responded immediately with a phone call no text. Told me what was going on. I'm a little overwhelmed and I can tell he is too. So my lesson trust my radar ...

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