The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband suffers from bipolar and he self medicates with prescription drugs. I have become his caretaker. His Father and Mother are narcissus they feel he is bad and refuse to understand that he has a mental condition. He is a very gentle soul and is a good Father so I stay with him.
Over the weekend his Grandfather had a stroke. The Grandfather passed away in a hospice center. His family was there. He decided to spend the night with them. While he was there he stole pain medicine from his mother. The family found out and confronted him. He was sent home.
When he told me that he was accused of stealing from his mother I called his brother (who is the golden child, even though he has done similar if not worst things in the past) he told me that my husband was looking through drawers and cabinets to find medication.
I confronted my husband and he finally admitted to taking some of his mother's pain meds. What he did is very wrong. His family never called him when his Grandfather passed. He had to call hospice.
I am so sick of his hateful family and his own issues. I would have run for the hills if I didn't have two kids. To separate from him would be very bad for my kids. I hide his addiction from them.
When I found out what he had done I felt ashamed like I had committed this terrible thing. I feel sick inside. I just want to stay out of it, but I cant because my husband is here upset about his Grandfather and being shunned by his family. I feel sick inside. I would love to get out of this marriage! How do I stop feeling responsible?
lilydevine - welcome to MIP - glad that you found us and glad that you joined in and shared. So very sorry for the pain you are feeling - addiction/alcoholism are progressive disease(s) which can never be cured but can be arrested through abstinence and recovery. It is considered a family disease as it reaches out and affects others and before we know it, we are acting/reacting different than we want/should and we are as sick as they are.
I encourage you to seek out local Al-Anon meetings, for that is where I found others who were affected by the drinking/drugging of a loved one. They taught me how to stand alone when necessary and how to be and do different for my own well-being and sanity.
You are not responsible and you can not control, cure, fix him/it. It's also not your fault. Many who self-medicate do so because of mental health issues. I have very limited experience with MH issues, but do feel that he has got to want to be in recovery for anything suggested to matter. No matter what he does or does not do, you can begin your own recovery any time you decide to.
Please keep coming back - there is hope and you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Lily, I understand the pain and confusion of which you speak. Living with the disease as you are it s important to note that this is a disease over which you are powerless. If you're partner acts out under the disease,pointing fingers and shaming him is not the answer. That is not how any disease is handled.
I do understand your concerns and would like to suggest that you search out Al-Anon face-to-face meetings and attempt to attend. These meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is in the white pages. We don't give advice in Al-Anon. However, we provide supportive tools to live by and the community of members who understand as you can. It is you learn how to use store my self-esteem and rebuild my wife. I urge you to keep coming back to know there is hope
