The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for June 6, speaks about justifying our own unacceptable behavior. It points out that we often excuse ourselves by claiming that we were provoked or have no other choice. We then dismiss our actions by telling ourselves that everyone does the same thing. I know that i did this often and before alanon I felt it was just fine. However alanon has shown me that this is a major form of denial and must be overcome. When I saw how these attitudes HURT Me I could accept that I needed to let HP remove them so I became willing to have them removed.
Using Step 4, where we take a fearless moral inventory of ourselves, we can see that the only way we can take this step thoroughly and searchingly, is to resist the desire to justify and excuse what we uncover.
This does demand, courage and self discipline, but by freely acknowledging what we have been we can make a positive change about who we are becoming.
iti s important to acknowledge that we are human beings with strengths and weaknesses, capable of achievements and mistakes, we can then look closely at ourselves to see how we are hurting ourselves
The quote is from Pearl Bailey ; "you never find yourself until you face the truth."
Strong page, thank you for sharing, Betty. I wrestle with this every day, as my tendency is to blame other things for my negative thoughts and behavior. The truth is that I am responsible for the level of unmanageability and insanity in my life, and no one else. Facing this truth reminds me that when I am unhappy, I am the one who needs to make adjustments in my perception, active thoughts, or circumstances...always challenging, but always rewarded.
Thank you for your service
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
I love the gentleness in this explanation. It is a welcome change for this member to not hurt herself. Thank you for this example of going within when acting out.
Thank you Betty for the daily, your service and your ESH. I know before I learned better in this program that I could justify and/or rationalize just about anything I said or did and really felt I was totally 'right'.....I have since learned that the best way for me to have and keep my serenity is to own my part in every exchange and make amends when necessary and work hard to do better next time.
I agree Paul that my first 'thought' is to look outside of myself for the cause and or to place blame. I know have a spiritual program which say, hey....wait a minute. What was your part? What could you have done differently? What could you have done better? Do you owe an amends? Can you add to the solution instead of to the problem?
I am so grateful that I learned to stop acting/reacting on my first inclination....but instead try to pause long enough to respond with grace and love as possible.
Powerful reading - thanks all!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
