The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello All...this post is a long time coming. I have been with my alcoholic boyfriend for 8.5 years, 3 trips to rehab, hours and hours of meetings, YEARS of aftercare, countless visits to the hospital, a D.U.I., and yet here I still am. My ABF has been in and out of AA for most of our relationship and has had a couple of stretches of sobriety, 30 days here, 90 days there, but they never seem to hold. He was in rehab the entire month of April and I felt like this was our last best chance. He stayed sober for 30 days out of rehab and I am just so tired of living life on this roller coaster. I love him so much and he was my best friend for years before we got romantically involved, so I am really struggling with the thought of losing a treasured friendship, but I think that I am at the point where I am willing to do so. We no longer live together and I am completely independent of him financially. I am just wondering how and when you know that you're done trying to fight against the alcohol because it always seems to win?
-- Edited by Emily W on Thursday 2nd of June 2016 09:01:11 PM
Welcome Emily to MIP - so glad you found us and glad that you shared. Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive disease that never goes away. It can be arrested through recovery and it's also considered a family disease as it affects those who are touched by it. All that you feel, all that you've experienced - you are not alone. If you read around here, you will find some stories similar and some a bit different. What glues us together is the disease of alcoholism and how it reaches beyond the drinker.
I encourage you to attend local Al-Anon meetings. You will find local support and more understanding of the disease and it's affect on us. Nobody can tell you when to leave or to continue to stay, but what folks can do is share their ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) so you can find your way to your own truth and decisions.
Keep coming back here - and read around, ask questions, etc. We are usually just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Emily, so glad you reached out. When I first came to AlAnon, I, too, was physically and mentally worn out from trying to fight the disease of alcoholism in a loved one. Though it seemed counterintuitive at first, in AlAnon I learned that I didn't cause it, couldn't control or cure it, and that my fighting was as futile as it was exhausting.
AlAnon helped me turn the focus towards what I could control, my own thoughts and actions, and towards recovery for myself that was desperately needed. The details of your situation are familiar to many of us who have been affected by the disease, as is, unfortunately, the pain. After I started attending AlAnon meetings, reading the books and learning the tools the program offers, I gained a new perspective and path towards a peace I hadn't known in a long time.
Thank you for your courage in sharing your experience, I hope you are able to find relief and peace in your journey
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
