The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Here's a few of my facts that I've found of the alcoholic/addict: their master manupulaters,they lie,cheat, And please do add your facts that you have found???? I'm sure there's more . Thanks for listening just felt like I needed to post this......hugs lu
LU, Alcoholics have a chronic, fatal incurable disease that can be arrested but never cured There are many negative symptoms of the disease and we who live with it also develop the same symptoms as coping tools.
I found that I too became a master manipulator(kindness only to make others do what I wanted) , lived in denial and pretend ( a form of lying) because I did not have the alanon tools to live by. I know that focusing on myself, my defects, my self sabotoging actions were my best hope of recovery.
I found that living one day at a time, learning how to live myself while allowing others to live without my judging or fixing ,trusting HP helped to change my life and that was my goal.
I agree with hotrod that best to focus on our own recovery. A year ago I would be able to take my AH inventory with all that you have described. Once I got into the program I discovered that I was not innocent and lied (i.e. denial not facing reality), manipulated situations and gossiped about other people to make myself feel better about my own situation. Seeing the light I now try and keep my side of the street clean. I still find myself focusing on others from time to time but the best part is I now can identify what I am doing and try and get back on track.
-- Edited by Jazzie18 on Thursday 2nd of June 2016 10:32:12 AM
LU - our program suggest we keep the focus on ourselves vs. our qualifiers. While many characteristics of a class of people apply broadly, not all apply. I am a double winner so when you judge alcoholics, you judge me too - the only difference between me and an active alcoholic is I have not drank yet today.
Looking beyond myself for the cause, blame or answers is not effective in my program for peace and joy!
Take what you like and leave the rest...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have grown a lot myself And it takes time,
With me it took a Lot of real detaching and
getting out of my situation that had made
My heart and Soul crazy and sick.
Try to keep the focus on you Lu And your
own recovery.
Its all one big process and it is not easy
When your emotions and feelings are being
played.
Start all over again today get Your books
out go to your meetings.
Sending you gentle loving hugs, dig into
Lu not your qualifiers. It does you no good
In the long run because you can not fix them
Only yourself.
Thanks for all this great esh again,reason I posted this was I read that we are to find out the facts of the alcoholic/addict,and I have to add addict to cause this is my qualifiers are addicts.thanks for all the esh again.....hugs lu
Hi LU, The best way I learned the facts about alcoholism was to learn about the disease itself. Scientists have learned a lot in recent years. A book that helped me was Under the Influence by Milam and Ketcham. It goes into what science has discovered about the heredity, the chemistry, etc. that are characteristic of alcoholism and helps to explain some of the behaviors that make our lives feel unmanageable, and that make us Al-Anons so scared and angry at times. Learning about the disease gave me a lot of understanding and empathy for the alcoholic.
Thank you free time that's what I'm trying to find out is all I can about the desease,so hopefully I can find some kind of empathy for the alcoholic ,I'm always feel so much bitter in me ,because I don't really know a whole lots about them except it is a desease and we are to separate the person from the desease which is hard to do when I know little about the desease itself .....thank you....hugs LU......ill look for that book to.
