The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This evening, after several weeks of peace, my greatest fear was realized....or at least has reared it's ugly head in my mind again. My Abf who is seven weeks into his recovery and has told me he is interested in no one else, received a phone call from one of the women he found on a dating site several months ago. They have never met in person; and she told me she would never contact him again, but she called him today while I was there. He did not answer the phone and he said he blocked her number...I don't know if he did or not...but now I'm losing what peace I have found in my Al-Anon program obsessing about him lying and cheating again. He said he hasn't talked to her in the seven weeks he has been in recovery, but he insists on us spending a lot of time apart to work on ourselves. I find it hard to believe that she called...out of the blue...seven weeks post-discharge from his IP rehab. I am beyond hurt...again....crying my eyes out...and trying to figure out if I should just end this now. I know that Al-Anon says to wait six months before making a decision...but this man is planning to relocate with me in less than a month for my new job. I know you can't give me advice...but does anyone have experiences to share with me. I repeated the first part of the Serenity Prayer on my drive home from his place....and reflected back to today's daily reader in C2C to "Mind my own business". One step forward...two steps back.
RKTreats - breathe, breathe, breathe.....when my mind races and my brain considers the worse case scenario, I often forget to just breathe. Work on you and trust the process. More will be revealed. Also, the program does suggest that we spend 6 months on recovery before major decisions/changes are made, but it is only a suggestion....there is no pass/fail so if you feel a split or break is best for your recovery, that's your personal decision/choice.
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
If there has been a cause for mistrust in the past, and the present situation is unclear, that is certainly a situation for caution. Seven weeks into recovery is very very early, and what his final recovery will look like (excellent, good, mediocre, bad, or no recovery - all possible) is something no one could predict that this point. I myself don't think I would stake anything important on him being a different kind of person in the future. Not to say at all that he couldn't be - it's just that you are right that it is all unknowable right now. As the saying goes, "More will be revealed." There will be time to see whether he's been working his program with diligence and integrity, or whether he only gets halfway there, or whether he makes a poor show of it. If I were in your situation, where you can't know how things will look later, I think I wouldn't take any steps that I couldn't back out of with minimum upset. There is lots of time to take those bigger steps down the line. Take good care of yourself.
