The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c speaks of the concept of being gentle with ourselves, and how very foreign and strange that seems after living with alcoholism and hating ourselves for our shortcomings.
The writer says they first managed this by imagining a kitten and the gentle and caring feelings a kitten would evoke and then directing those feelings towards their own self.
The reading reminds us that being human is not a character defect!
"The question is not what a man can scorn, or disparage, or find fault with, but what he can love and value and appreciate" (John Ruskin)
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I find the kitten analogy interesting because I also had to imagine another, more "deserving" being while I was learning to be gentle and kind to myself. For me, it was myself but much younger (my inner child I guess). I guess I felt she deserved more care and compassion because she hadn't made all of the mistakes I had made, if that makes any sense. Over time I started to see myself as "my own new best friend". Both of these visualisations worked for me and after delving into the steps and starting the journey of making peace with myself, it's pretty natural to me now to be kind rather than disparaging to me. It's very, very different to the way it was before, where almost every word I said to myself in my head (or outloud) was nasty. Any wonder I was miserable, yikes! I make much better decisions and achieve far more when i am gentle and kind with me and forgiving of my own mistakes.
Who woulda thunk?
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Great topic Ms.M. Before program I made myself and my needs invisible and thought that i could push through on all fronts without any attention paid to my frame of mind or feelings. How wrong i was !!
Entering alanon and learning to focus on myself, I discovered all the negative messages I was telling myself- All The Time. My first step in being gentle with myself was to stop beating myself up. I did that by repeating the slogans over an over in my head--Then i could begin the process of being gentle with myself. Making a daily asset and gratitude list helped. I still have a way to go to treat myself like a do a kitten :)-- However I look for Progress not perfection. Thanks for your service
It is a huge gift of alanon learning to be gentle and
Kind to myself. Its an act of self love and acceptance.
I learned to cocoon, to heal my inner self and Protect
myself from further harm. God is holding me giving me
What i need to go forward in a healthy healing manner.
I am treating myself w extra care these days & getting more sleep. Self care is so important. Thanks Miss M. for the reading & insight. I hope I am on topic.
Great share Miss M and lovely ESH above me.....I feel as if I am in catch up mode after my worldly travels to see my parents. I am so glad to be back in my home with my dog and my bed and....
I was raised to strive for perfection and put others first. Nobody really suggested I should come next or last but in my patterns of living, I was last or not even considered. Being gentle with myself was a foreign concept and hard to get a handle on. I had to just start small and continue to improve. It's easy for me to slide into an enabling role if I am not program-centered. Relying on my HP for daily guidance and direction helps me stay in the present as well as keep me focused on keeping my life as simple as possible.
(((Hugs))) to all - lovely reading today!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
