So I've finally decided I'm ready to date which has been a major learning curve however all part of my recovery for which I'm very grateful for, I seriously have learned a lot about myself and I know what I want in a relationship.  I sure know what I don't!!!

It's one of those things that has been very interesting sometimes good and sometimes bad .. when I actually like someone that's where the issues appear. 

I'm going to tell you it's war out there .. lol .. at least online it is.  It's been a slow going process with a few hills and a couple of valleys and that's ok it's teaching me boundaries and teaching me how I allow people to treat me will continue and this guy is about to get a rude awakening over a faux pa on my part in a situation .. LOL.  I'm curious as to the outcome and how I will react. 

One thing that has come to be very present to me is the art of conversation is lost and I mean a real conversation and even skill in terms of how a man will approach now a days.  I had to laugh because it's like ok .. there is no way these men would say to me in public what they try to say online .. I do laugh about that and did have to go mama on a couple of younger ones.  The younger ones are highly amusing and they are looking for a cougar .. I'm a sports car .. LOL .. a HIGH maintenance one .. LOL .. an old Jaguar .. which I'm way ok with .. LOL.   

What I do like about the online process is I have more opportunity to use discernment and figure out if this is something I even want to pursue.  Being over 40 there are a TON of scammers.  I find it amusing that most men don't like the fact that they can't push the show forward and will be incredibly rude or try and use perceived insecurities as a way to manipulate the situation.

There are two guys that I'm interested and would like to see where it goes however both have some things that I'm not sure about.  The first is my age and I'm trying to figure out how not to pursue .. LOL .. I'll let you know how that works for me.  It's tripping every codie thing I have going on and at LEAST I'm aware of it.  We have met and are going out again.  Scheduels are a big issue. The other one I haven't met, he intrigues me however more than 8 years older and 8 years is my limit.  So I haven't figured out if I'm ok with that or not.  The other thing that I'm on the fence about is he's in recovery, there is NOTHING wrong with that and has over 25 years, is in program however .. I have hesitation because he is pushing way to hard at the moment and he got a sharp push back from me and I did call him out on some BS that was going on.  We haven't even met yet and I'm already being tested with boundaries and so on. So that feeds a side of me that is totally not healthy.  Plus I'm running pretty hard at the moment and I honestly don't think he could or can keep up with my schedule. 

At this point I have met 3 people and that's pretty good considering how hard it is to get these people out from behind the screen .. LOL.  As soon as you say let's get coffee they are gone like a shot .. LOL.  I think oookkk .. it's a dating site .. it's a tool to meet people .. LOL!!  I have filtered through a LOT .. LOL! As in over 100. 

I'm just trying to give it all over to the God of my understanding and say ok .. you deal with this and help me sort through my "feelings" present the person who will be the best for the kids and I as well as us for them.  That's the best I've got .. LOL.  Time take time and whatever happens just be ok in the moment.  I did figure out I cause myself the most anxiety and the most pain very quickly by trying to figure out what other people are thinking. 

It's been a great start to the weekend .. have had a total blast.  Last night was at a comedy club and was literally on the stage close.  The comedian said the NICEST thing to me which you all have no idea how insecure my mother made me over my laugh .. especially after how he was roasting everyone else I got scared .. LOL .. first I had my red boots on .. LOL .. and those red boots (they really are little girl red boots, 40$ .. LOL) have gotten me more attention and conversation starters than anything else .. I have had men and women stop me in the store asking about my red boots .. LOL!  Well, the comedian made a comment about my red boots and then gave me the nicest compliment about my laugh .. he said I had a great laugh!!  No one has ever said that to me and my girlfriend laughed about it later and made the comment that even if I didn't realize it .. I always made people so comfortable with my laugh because I was sharing how much fun I was having and it was fearless.  I then got scolded over my story telling ability and how I have scared our other friends away with my stories of our antics out .. which seriously .. true stories!!  LOL!!  Apparently I'm overly expressive when I tell them .. LOL!!

Today the kids and I are hanging out, I think I'm going to take D to play magic.  I'm not sure what else the rain is fierce around here this next week however we have not had the flooding that Houston has experienced thank goodness.  I would like to get out and about for a bit. 

4 years ago I was sooo NOT ready for dating .. LOL!!  3 1/2 years ago I was soooo NOT ready for dating.   I would go as far as saying 1 1/2 ago I was SOOOOOO not ready for dating.  Today dating feels like just something I would like to try since I have never actually dated, I tend to work backwards and that hasn't worked out so well for me.

Hugs S :)