The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
like i said, i am new here. my first qualifier was my father. seems to me the people I've observed in al-anon seem to work much harder to get healthy and live with the alcoholic than the alcoholic does in AA. when is enough enough.??
Al-anon isn't designed to 'help you live with the alcoholic". For me at least, the program helped me be able to make decisons that were right for me and to trust my instincts and decisions without getting tangled up in what other people might think. For some people that means staying in a relationship with the alcoholic person and for others, it means leaving. It's about focusing on yourself and working out what you want and need to be without worrying what another person is doing, whether they are working their own program or not!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Al Anon is about me, not about my alcoholic loved one(s). It's to help me recover from the effects of living with the disease. Alcoholism has affected my life in more ways than I ever realized. It's about learning what I need to gain serenity and peace in my life. It's about self-care. It's about learning new ways to deal with things.
For some, remaining in an alcoholic relationship is an option. But there needs to be realistic expectations of what that relationship can be. For others, maintaining a healthy self is not possible within an alcoholic relationship.
When is enough enough? Only you can answer that. Only you know what you need in order to maintain a healthy self, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Al Anon helps all of us figure that out.
We only offer our ESH...our experience strength and hope and we tell it as it happened for us I discovered giving advise has a whole other set of problems for me so I follow program suggestions. I arrived at enough about 5 times during an almost 4 year alcoholic/addict marriage. I was a major part of the problems though I put a lot of blame pressure on my sick wife. Enough for me was becoming fully convinced that alcohol would continue to win without much hope otherwise. I got so sick watching the relapses after the quiet peaceful periods and the quiet periods were heart rendering as I waited for the inevitable relapse to come next. I loved her and love her now and it isn't the sick love I once had. She is a child of God and lovely human being and alcoholic. Build up the courage to change and follow thru...keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
When I had a sense that I was becoming someone that I didn't like because I was unhappy, angry, miserable nearly all of the time I had to take myself away from my relationship with my husband's drinking. For me it is important to value my life and enjoy it. I had to learn to take responsibility for that. My husband and I are still together but I do have to have small breaks from time to time in order to stay sane!
I too want to welcome you to MIP Runi - glad you found us and glad that you shared. When I first came here, I was sick and tired and mad at the world. I kept looking outside myself for the problem and assumed that when things changed, I'd be happy. What I've learned in the program is that I can work on me, find my own happiness and serenity no matter what anyone else is doing or is not doing.
Staying or leaving a relationship - some stay and some leave. Recovery is a personal journey and we all recover at different paces - that applies to both sides of the room....AA & Al-Anon. What Al-Anon has taught me is I am 100% responsible for my journey, my joy, my serenity. Allowing others to be a part of my life is a choice, not a sentence - each day is a new day and each day I have hope.
Hope you keep coming back - it's about you, your journey, your joy and your happiness!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I have a loving higher power guiding my life. When I am willing to trust and accept the guidance of that higher power, when I surrender my will - enough is enough. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
