The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning all, and best wishes to IamHere as she enjoys the beauty of the desert and temporary disruption of electronic connectivity. In her absence, I will share some brief thoughts about today's reading in Courage to Change.
The reading touches on a fundamental AlAnon principle: the value of keeping the focus on ourselves. Some points the author made on this topic:
* Using the viewpoint of others to justify or validate our beliefs, position, or actions can lead us to unnecessary, negative feelings. * This can easily happen because we do not know all of the facts or circumstances in anyone else's life but ours. * Disagreements or differences in thought or action choices can exist without either being 'wrong'.
Reminder: When we compare our thoughts, feelings, actions, and certainly our recovery to others, we lose in the long run. Comparisons to others leaves our mental wellbeing to the whimsy of misconception, on our part or those around us. Keeping the focus on ourselves helps us avoid the negativity that comes from unhealthy comparisons.
From Understanding Ourselves and Alcoholism comes the reminder that '...we come to realize at our meetings that much of our discomfort comes from our attitudes'.
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AlAnon principles introduced me to an entirely new way of thinking, by reducing the size of my circle of focus to include just me. I now recognize that when I have feelings of anxiety, irritation, inadequacy or superiority, I have wandered outside of my circle and into that of my qualifier, AlAnon fellowship, or others.
The program reminds me to focus on my own journey, keep my circle small, and be grateful for the many positive things in my life...today's page in Courage is of great help
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hi Paul Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important subject of" changed attitudes " . I was reminded of the alanon statement that "changed attitudes aid recovery" and then reflected on the fact that prior to program, I invariantly saw" the glass as half empty instead of half full " and tried unsuccessfully , on my own to change to the power of positive thinking.
Picking up the alanon tools that you have outlined of , keeping the focus on myself ,not comparing while praying and making gratitude and asset lists accomplished the change in attitude that I sought for so long. I now see the glass as half full and only compare myself to myself to determine my growth from year to year .
Hello Paul, and thanks for sharing the daily
It occurs to me that I was brought up to "always think of others" and how somehow that becomes confused with "always thinking FOR others". It was quite a shock at first to realise that I don't need to know/influence what anyone else thinks. All I need to do is work on trusting my own thinking and discernment. You're quite right, if I am feeling agitated or hurt by a situation, often it's because I have stepped out of my own hula hoop. That gets easier and easier to rectify
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
MissMel touched on something that I'm working on, very diligently. I was also brought up to "always think of others". What I have to remind myself, hourly, is that I don't have to worry about what others think, especially what they "may" think of me. I am happy to say that my AH has been growing in leaps and bounds, and has been sharing his thoughts about himself, with honesty and humility. I am so very grateful for that.
Unfortunately, I have been dealing with some issues with my 21 year old son, who has been angry with me for my enabling of my AH. Of course, it's not possible for my son to see how I have enabled HIM for many years. I have a lot of work to do.
Thanks all for sharing on the topic...each day is a step in our journey and there are many more to come...so grateful to share the challenges and victories with you
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
