Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Hope for Today May 17


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1133
Date:
Hope for Today May 17


Good morning everyone:

Today's reading is about the many layers and variations of denial. We can be in denial about the disease of alcoholism, denial of pain, denial in order to block feeling. The quote from Courage to Change reminds us that 'denial is a symptom of the effects of alcoholism'    

For me, denial has taken place in all the ways mentioned above and then some.  What I think about is how honesty must be the cornerstone in recovery. Denial is a lot of things but one of them is a form of dishonesty with ourselves.  I've noticed that as I progress in recovery I walk toward living a life based in honesty and direct clarity with myself and others.  I certainly can return to denial but I do my best to be aware of that and hold myself accountable.

when I was living with an active A I had turned denial into an art form for crying out loud! But thinking about what that may have been teaching my kids woke me up in a hurry.  Today I will do my best to be honest with myself and others around me.  Hope everyone has a great Tuesday!

Mary



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Thanks Mary-- Powerful reflections as well as topic. I did not even know I was in DENIAL when I came into program. I lived in denial of reality and pretending all was well. I had no other tools in my tool box. I was the poster child for the definition of the word DENIAL as standing for: "Don't Even no I Am Lying"
Working this program I was able to develop constructive tools to live by namely: an open non judgmental mind honesty,openness and willingnees to listen . These tools allow me to be honest while treating everyone with courtesy and respect .
Thanks for the topic and your servcie



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1133
Date:

Betty-

Between my years in program and in the education system I didn't realize I had missed an acronym!!

DENIAL - Don't Even Know I'm Lying  !  that is a great one

thank you

 

M



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:

I was just thinking about that subject DENIAL, before i read
Your post. My ex MIL and I have totally different realities
On the subject of alcoholism. I am trying to let it all go And
move on.

We just went Round and round on the subject and it was not
Good. I can only say no contact with her or my ex is healing.

She can play her own reality games, i understand the whys yet
I also see the destruction it leaves in its path. The wearing of
rose colored glasses and denying any unpleasant reality especially
Her part in all her children upbringing. None are what you call
Emotionally healthy. She is an emotional bully and a belittler
yet she comes across as the Miss goodie two shoes.

Thank you the subject and letting me vent. I talked to a pysch
Nurse she said some people need to live like that. My MIL father
was A binger and she lived a perfect life.

(((( hugs )))))

__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 134
Date:

Before I came to Al-anon I had realized i was living in masks. I was rarely if ever clear and authentic with others. This was my cloak of denial and I thought I was protecting me.

It took a crisis to help me see how I was living was holding me back and keeping me from being successful in my personal and professional life.
I remember sitting on the floor crying while my son was crawling around and playing being a happy baby. I was on the phone with one of my professors and he said to me, "there is something going on with the way you are organizing your life that is holding you back." I kept telling myself stories about why my life was hard and who's fault it was, and crafting different versions of myself for others to see. It was exhausting. And here was the truth, it wasn't working or fooling anyone and I had responsibility to change it.

His gentle insight and the care he showed in shining that light for me changed my life. I had already failed his class when we had that conversation, but a year later I came back and thrived in the same course. My friends and colleagues noticed my authenticity and celebrated it. I began to change, and still strive for authenticity in my interactions with others. When I was very sick, I really thought that showing any vulnerability was a bad thing. I used denial to hide all of that, to make myself appear strong and in control. Now I show my strength through my vulnerabilities and courage to show others my one true self.

__________________

~~

Dandelion

A weed is a flower you haven't met yet.



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 125
Date:

Don't even know I'm lying. That's really a good one, Mary. Lying, hiding, not giving the whole truth...those were my standards. How freeing it is when we are honest.

Thank you for sharing, Mary.

__________________

Life is short, so make it beautiful and sweet.

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.