The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been enmeshed in the insanity of my exBF emailing me all week, challenging me, wanting to 'discuss' this and that. I tried a 'no response' tactic to his initial email a week ago, but that prompted him to check up on me on Facebook and discover that I am doing quite well, looking healthy and happy, with a lot of love and support from friends, women and men. He did not like this and sent me a scathing email accusing me of this and that, telling me I have 'issues', etc. You can imagine - I'm sure you've all experienced this from the A's in your lives, so no need to go in to details.
MY issue is that I picked up the rope. I don't like to have my integrity called in to question. I became defensive, I started JADE'ing and essentially found myself enmeshed in a back and forth exchange of emails that only caused my blood pressure to raise and my anxiety to grow.
All is quiet for now I think, but I need to figure out the best way to NOT pick up the rope with him. I have him blocked on my phone - and he knows this now. But emails can't be auto delated in Gmail, I have them filtered automatically to the trash, but of course... I go to that folder to look for them. What I need to do is just hit 'delete forever' when I see his name in my email, and not read the messages at all. Why is this so hard to do?
I have no interest in resuming a relationship with him, not even a friendship. I think he is a narcissist and he brings out the worst of me- it is crazy making at its best.
Please share your ESH... how do I stop myself from engaging and perpetuating this insanity?
Hugs all,
Cyndi
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"There will be an answer. Let it be." ~ The Beatles
You do sound like you're in a good place in my humble opinion and know what you want. It can be hard to quiet that curiosity by peeking at emails you promised you'd ignore. I've found I can do something like this after there has been enough time and separation between myself and another person but it doesn't go so well in the beginning when emotions are still at the surface. I've found that I usually regret it and lose my serenity when I do it. It becomes a downward spiral from there. I lose my focus on myself, need to find an Alanon meeting asap and if one isn't available, I need to make a program call to my sponsor or another Alanon. Listen, I love meetings and attend regularly but there's just something irksome to me about ending up at one because I've chosen to give my serenity away. It always comes down to motive for me, asking myself what I'm getting out of it concerning my behaviors that don't serve my progress.
Cyndi, you seem very clear about what you want and are working the program toward a happy, joyous and free life. People who have gotten mileage out of us with our permission in the past, aren't necessarily happy for us when jog past them and leave them in the dust. Oh well, right? ;) (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Those are some of the big reasons i dislike Facebook. I
am on there mostly for messenger and for my nieces
And newphews photos that just about it. I call it fakebook.
I do not leave anything on my timeline and very Few photos.
I do not chat on the open forum, i do not Want my ex or MIL
knowing who i talk to and who is still Friendly to me. Its an
information highway, i can look at My MIL timeline and know
where she is at even though We are not friends.
You could just state your intentions and do it, delete All
correspondence, block on facebook. Say you will Take action
if he continues to harrass you.
Mostly it is his ego talking dont talk back to it. Hope and
Pray he moves on.
Cyndi - you can set your trash can up to delete items as you desire in GMail.....I don't know if that would help and you can also block folks on FB....I've blocked mine before on my phone and have deleted many an email without reading them....it's not easy to do but my best tool is that it's not the person talking at you - it's the disease. I say this to myself and not them...
You deserve peace and working for that is worth it! You got this - take care of you and work to not pick up that rope!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
