LU - google is your friend (that's what I always go to if I am in need of application of a word/phrase and my sponsor is sleeping....)! I found this and it might help you...

An Al-Anon approach - keeping the focus on us. The words "martyr" or "victim" appear in each of the Al-Anon devotionals as well as in How Al-Anon Works (Chapter 37 tells a "martyr's" story) and other Al-Anon literature.

Some of us do take on the "martyr" or "victim" roles when affected by another's alcoholism. And roles come with the alcoholism territory. We may or may not be "martyrs" but it is important to ask ourselves the question.

From Courage to Change, page 365 (Dec. 30):
"The unpleasant things other people say or do have no power to destroy my peace of mind or ruin my day unless I permit it. Do I allow myself to respond to the words of a sick person as if they were the ultimate truth? Could I possibly be getting some benefit from accepting humiliation?

Sometimes I wonder. I played the martyr role for a long time. My suffering brought me a lot of attention and pity. I grew accustomed to blaming others for my problems, and I avoided taking responsibility for my own life. In other words, I suspect I may have benefited from my pain. But those benefits are no longer worth the price.

Today I am finding out who I really am with the help of my Higher Power and the Al-Anon program. There is a beautiful person within me who has no need to build an identity around suffering. I am learning to let that person blossom instead of hiding behind a cloak of suffering. I don't want to miss any more of the wonderful opportunities available to me to live, grow, and enjoy.

Today's reminder: There is so much to appreciate in this life. I won't waste another moment feeling sorry for myself.

'. . . The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.' Martha Washington"

From One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, page 96 (Apr. 5):
"The Steps are like a medicine which many of us won't bother to take, although we know they can heal us of the sickness of despair, frustration, resentment and self-pity. Why is this? It may be we have a deep-rooted desire for martyrdom. Consciously we think we want to help, but some dark and hidden sense of guilt makes us crave punishment more than we want relief from our ills. ... We can find the way out by daily study of the Twelve Steps."

I once read a definition that said a martyr is someone who suffers because of their beliefs.  For a large part of my life, my belief was that everyone else's needs and wants were more important than my own.  I like to think of myself as a kind person who is considerate and helps others, and I also thought it was my role as a wife to put my husband's needs above my own.  I was actually proud of thinking of myself as a "martyr" when I put others  so far above myself that I suffered because of it.  After all, martyrs are venerated in some religions (and I later realized that is because they wound up dead after great suffering). 

Trying to put a positive spin on my self-imposed suffering was a great example of twisted thinking.   Only recently, after all I've been through with an alcoholic spouse and with an earlier spouse with other mental health issues,  and learning from the Alanon principles, have I discovered that kindness to others needs to be balanced with kindness to myself.  

Hi L U I found that by focusing on other people's problems I did not have to look at my own and then unconsciously I expected that because i was nice and caring of others that they, in turn would turn around and be nice and take of me.
That did not work because the people I took care of did not have the capacity to care for themselves so how could they take are of me ? So NO ONE was taking care of me and as a result I felt lonely, angry, disrespected etc.

Alanon taught me that I needed to take care of myself before i took care of others. Treating everyone with courtesy and respect while i allowed them to handle their own problems worked.
Remember not to get too lonely , angry ,tired,hungry and keep coming back

You can give courtesy and respect by simply listening to the person speak (as we do at meetings and here). validate that it is a serious concern like:" i am sorry you are experiencing this" and then share your ESH on the subject if you have none simply suggest they pray on the subject .

In no way should we take on the solving of the problem as that would tend to disrespect the person to whom we are talking . Each one has guidance for their lives within-- That is where they should go through prayer .