The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I did it. I left the house. I barely was able to walk away. I grabbed a basket of things, change of clothes, my computer and medications and ran out the door. He was flipping on me. Today is Friday and Monday night he put a steak knife to my neck. I did talk to people about it in an al-anon meeting that evening. I was told to go to the police but I did not. I was to exhausted. I went back the house instead. Wednesday night he flipped out out on me again, threatening to smash my computer, banging on the door, and just calling me horrible names. I called my sister, she lives in different part of the city and she said to come to her house. I grabbed a few belongings, my computer, my medication and a change of clothes and ran out the door. I went directly to a meeting. I have not been back to the house since, and its now been 3 days. I can not be around the insanity anymore. He has gone totally insane. I am still at my sister home and have been looking for apartments to live in and found one that appears very promising. I have to make a decision by Monday if I will take it. I slept for 12 hours yesterday. I was exhausted from the complete madness of my home situation. I am so afraid to go back to the house to get my belongings. I do not want to go anywhere near him. I am so fed up with living in fear. I have not heard from him either and I assume he must be still drunk or with his ex-wife as he claims he wants to date here again. I am trying to get use to the silence and calm now. I feel so uncertain what is next.
My heart says go back and try but then I keep remembering the hell I just escaped from and the fear I was under. Do I want to go back to the madness. He will not stop drinking. He wants to drink himself to death. Do I want to witness him drink himself to death? No...
Yet, I worry about him, is he ok, is he sober? Is it safe for me to go back to the house? Is he passed out? Is he sitting there drunk and talking to himself and flipping out? I am feeling so confused. What if, what if...its complete madness what is going through my head. I know he is insane and I have to keep my distance but I worry about the house as its in my name as well. Will he be able to pay the mortgage if I am gone? Will him defaulting on the mortgage that is in his name only effect my credit?
I have until Monday evening to decide if I will accept the one bedroom apartment. I know it is the right decision but I need to go back to the house and gather my belongings-pack my things and move it. I am so afraid to be alone with him. I need to pack but fear he will be there, drunk, and insane. I need a plan. I do not trust him at all and what his reaction will be if I go there alone. I am so scared of him and what condition he will be in when I go back there. I am going to meetings and trying to keep my sanity. I feel so alone.
I keep thinking focus on this moment only, things will work out. Pray but its hard as I feel so overwhelmed by this all and my feelings keep returning to him.
My sister is out of town for the weekend, so I am enjoying the quite here. I know I have to go back to the house to get my belongs but I can not have him there. I did text and phone him to see if it was ok for me go to the house to get some things but I have not heard anything. I assume he is drunk or lost his phone. I just have to keep me safe now, I am so afraid.
I am so glad that you are safe! So many situations like this end in death. He has shown very clearly how far the insanity of his drinking has progressed. You are entirely right to be scared to go back and get your stuff. This is one of the highest-risk situations of someone leaving a potentially violent alcoholic. I am very serious. Do not go back without police escort. Aven if you think your A will not be there, even if you think you will be safe taking a friend with you. (What happens in those situations is that the friend gets killed too.) Your life is in danger. I am very serious. The police will send someone to go with you. If you want, talk to your local domestic violence shelter about how to arrange for it to happen safely. If you get a police officer on the phone who is not helpful, try again later with another one. The police know about this kind of situation but every once in a while you get someone clueless on the phone
It is crazy that even though the A may declare they want nothing more to do with us, they are still insane enough to want to kill us for leaving. This is the flame point at which many women have suffered violence. So it is important that you not expose yourself to him. If it means you have to start over without your stuff - that is much better than being murdered.
So glad you are taking care of yourself. Hang in there. You know you always have people who care about your safety here.
Can you just stay at yours sisters until you talk to People
so you dont feel so forced to cope also Can you ask
shelter People about possibility of temporary furnished
quarters and also talk to the police.
You need help with this, these are extremely Dangerous
times You might even be better off his radar totally For
awhile.
(((Joker))) - so proud of you for getting yourself to a safe place. The best part of where you are is you do not have to go back alone or today. I do know that the police will escort you, as Mattie suggested, and it works well (have BTDT). Sending prayers your way - you deserve a calm, loving, peaceful place to call home. Lean on your program support folks and stay safe.
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Glad that you're ok today. The police escort is a great suggestion for retrieving your belongings and so is the suggestion of temporary furnished quarters. Having been with a nutcase for years, I understand the feelings of longing inspite of the life threatening insanity. It wasn't until my very spirit was injured that I could seperate emotionally and then with time and healing, I realised I never had nor felt true love for that man. I was addicted to the chaos and the drama. I was so attention starved that I confused his violence for a type of need of me. And I was powerless over my own feelings of addiction to him. If I could show that girl now where it would lead to--the loss of the two people she loved and the abuse of those little people which she would truly be powerless to do a thing about--I would. Would it make a difference I don't know. In your situation, I've been reading your posts, I am quite convinced that if you don't take your life into your own hands, right now, today in whatever way you can, you are in danger of becoming just another domestic violence statistic. And that would be the most terrible loss. Stay brave, keep coming back and again, very glad you're ok.
Stay safe joker and take good care of yourself. Many moons ago I used the police to watch while I gathered my things. It really kept things under control so I could be safe. I didn't get sucked into crazy conversations and he had to stay out of my way. ((Hugs))
praying for your safety. I was also in that situation. Luckily the XAH started drinking to where he barely could get out of his bed so i could have time to move stuff,get money etc as i had no where i could chill except shelter.he was violent and unpredictable. sounds like you got the vital stuff with you especially the most important, YOU!!
Joker so glad you chose your safety first. My mom and I left her abusive alcoholic fiancé (more than once) when I was young. I remember the fear when we left for good. Moved out while he was at work and took all our stuff. I remember that fear and panic. I also remember how unsettling the peace was at first. We had become so used to the fear that he would walk through the door drunk and abusive that it had seemed normal. With time we adjusted and life got better and I hope the same happens for you.
Sending you strength. Don't rush into going back there yet. Get advice from the police or a battered women's shelter. Take care of you.
(((Hugs))))
