The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my stbxh just told me he has decided to get sober. We don't talk often but he said he's been sober for 39 days, no withdrawal symptoms and he sounds super positive. We have 2 kids together so I hope this is for real and he starts spending time with them. He has made no effort yet, hasn't even called them since Christmas. I'm just wondering what can be expected from someone trying to get sober? I know everyone is different but for as much as he used to drink something doesn't sit right with me that it seems to be going easily for him. Is there a "honeymoon" period when becoming sober?
Very little can be"expected" from a newly sober person This is a 3 fold disease which affects an individual physically, emotionally and spiritually. Stopping drinking is the first step, then learning how to face the world in a mature, responsible manner takes much work and effort.
Alanon face to face meetings will support family members as they attempt to live life with a newly sober person. I urge you to keep coming back here. There is hope
Strangely, I found my husband's early sobriety very difficult to cope with - I should have been pleased for him, but instead I was waiting for the next drink to arrive, expecting everything to go wrong. I was irritated by his new found energy and he seemed pleased as punch with himself. I kept thinking 'no one says well done for sticking with an alcoholic'. I guess that I had expected to at least be thanked for being such a good trooper and looking after him. Now that he was sober I was hoping that he would 'look after' me with appreciation and gratitude!!! In the meantime I wasn't feeling at all grateful myself! It really is such a crazy disease and the ways that it affects us are sometimes subtle and insidious! Here I was, bringing my dis-ease on myself!! The good news in that realisation was that if I was doing this to myself, then I had the power to stop it and replace my feelings and concerns with something better.
My husband is two and a half years sober and in that time I have seen him go through so many different moods, from rose tinted to despondant to capable and incapable - more than I can keep up with. And, thank goodness, I don't have to! There is less chaos now and I really appreciate being able to listen to my own feelings and re-discover who I am and what I want to do with my life. My husband's sobriety is his to claim, my job is to learn to recognise and enjoy my own life again - It is a good journey, but takes a bit of practise to begin with! Thank you for the reminder today.
