The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so numb right now. I keep shaking and just plain afraid of Abf. I have posted an ad for an apartment to live in for myself and have been looking for a place. I have a sister here in the city and we talked. She said to get a lot at the lake which is 2 hours from the city and stay there for the summer, and to get my head on straight. I am so confused and scared and just plain numb. I keep thinking what if, what if, and I know I need to focus on today, but its so hard and scary. I know not to engage with him when he is activity using but to leave him alone. I have been doing that a lot. I just walk away from him and he follows me around the house. I feel trapped in my own home. I have locked the door to the bedroom I am using in the basement but threatens to break it down. I refuse to go anywhere with him in public if he is using. He says I am now dating my ex-wife and he did see her the other day for the afternoon. I left the house earlier and I came home and he was gone, I was happy. I started packing some of my things up in the house and put them in the one room. I am so confused and scared. I feel like my life is upside down and ready to burst. I refuse to sleep with him when he is using. I am going to face to face meeting and did talk to another member today. He drinks 24 hours a day, talks and talks to himself and then becomes verbally abusive toward me. I keep trying not to engage by walking away but he will not leave me alone. He says I am now dating my ex-wife and you need to move out. He will not leave the house and all he does is drink and drink in it. Takes a cab to the liquor store and back to the house to drink again. Its ongoing non stop madness. I feel as though I am going to have a nervous break down myself. The house is a complete mess but I refuse to clean it. Why...he will mess it up again with his beer cans and drooling and stumbling around. I get so disgusted with his drunk behaviors. I have tried to get him to drink in the garage but he comes back in the house. He will drink alone, non stop and talk, talk and talk. I feel mentally I am going just as crazy as him. I am on edge and nearing a breakdown. I prayed and prayed last night and cried and cried. I can not, can not take another moment of being around him again. I hate,hate his guts and the alcoholism that is killing him. He has lost weight and continues to drink and have diarrhea and is completely angry at everyone including me. Its complete madness. I have left the empty beer cans where he has left them and refuse to drive him to the liquor store or drink with him. I am doing all I can to detach, detach but I do not no how much longer I can hold on. I am nearing a breaking point. I need help! I need god to answer my prayer! I need to get out of this madness. Please, please god help me out of this living situation!!!
I am so sorry. This is clearly highly stressful and anyone would find it so. You are living with a person who is literally insane and it sounds very clearly as if he has the potential to be dangerous too. Have you talked to your local domestic violence shelter? Or tried Craigslist for roommate share type places? Unfortunately I've found that advertising that I need a place to live doesn't have a very high success rate. It looks to me like you need a place to get to and be safe - doesn't have to be a longterm place, just someplace you can settle for a bit - so you can rest and recover some of your serenity before deciding what the next move is. I'm sorry to be scary, but I'd advise that once you move out, do not go back, even with a friend, to get more of your stuff, even if you think your A won't be home. That is a very high-risk situation for violence. Go only with a police escort if you have to go. I don't know what your financial situation is, but is there even a motel you could escape to for a while? Once when I was stuck for a place to live I lived in a longterm-type motel for three weeks. It was a little bit down at heel but not dangerous (of course you'd want to avoid a place that would be dangerous). Still, a little bit down at heel might be a lot safer than living in the same place as an insane alcoholic. I hope even talking to someone on the phone at the domestic violence shelter might be reassuring or helpful, whether or not they have a spot. Please take good care of yourself.
Oh my gosh, you sound like i did 8 mths ago, In fact the scene you describe is virtually idenical to mine. Here are some of the the things i did
Didnt tell AH what i was doing or planning. At one point went to police station and filed restraining order for him. Thought about and contacted anybody that i felt could help[ neighbors and friends for short term escape, domestic hotline for where i could go for shelter. I got a hold of any money I could too leave, even pawning some stuff and cashing out my pension and life insurance. Luckliy had bro in law to help me find a place. Tell your alanon group what is going on. They were such a moral support and some offered me money and their time to help. I now am in my own place and though i dont have a job right now, I AM SAFE, I AM SANE, SAVE YOURSELF!
Joker, just pack what you need and leave for safety. What are you waiting on? Its getting worse since some of your earlier posts. He sounds violent and aggressive, what is it your waiting on? more evidence that this is dangerous for you. What does it matter if hes dating his ex wife? Hes crazy!!! is it relevant in this current situation anyway?. Your turmoil may be clouding your judgement right now. If you are in any way at risk of physical abuse then its time to go, surely? Material possessions are not the priority, your safety is.
If you cant leave then the next time you feel unsafe call the police right away. This is getting worse and worse, it wont magically get better. Alanon cant ever help you live with domestic violence.
Joker, God works thru people, they reach their hand
Out to you, to help you so you can help yourself. Domestic
violence centers will Help you with that transition. In alanon
we are just lay people not therapists or abuse/trauma specialists.
Get safe and stay safe, you are a child of God and he loves
You as you are, as we all love you too. Pray for guidance and
Courage to do the right thing for yourself.
