The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c talks about being alone, and how, prior to recovery, many of us think we can only feel happy if someone else (chiefly our qualifiers) is there to stop us from feeling alone. (And it also mentions how ironically we often feel more alone than ever when they are with us anyway).
The reading is about learning to enjoy the company of the person we spend the most time with- ourself!! It suggests that we ought put time and energy into making that relationship as fulfilling as possible.
"What a lovely surprise to discover how un-lonely being alone can be" (Ellen Burstyn)
***
I was terrified of being alone, before. Even when I still lived with my alcoholic partner, whenever my daughter was away at her fathers for a weekend or worse, for school holidays I would come here to the board full of dread and fear because "I don't do alone well". When I moved in here without my partner and daughter went away for a week at a time, I was really plunged in head first; I didn't have my "there but not there" guy to blame or focus on, it was just me, the dog and the cat and the first few times were not great; I was kind of a mess. But now, 18 months later, I LOVE my alone time. And it's easy to see why; just as the reading suggests, I've put time into having a decent relationship with myself. Do you know I used to talk to myself all the time, and all of it was mean and disparaging? "God you're an idiot Melissa", "Why are you so stupid" etc. Any wonder I didn't want to spend any time alone with myself, lol, I was awful to me! Who wants to hang out with someone that abuses and punishes them all the time? And one of the things I used to hate about myself was the fact that I was 'pathetic and couldn't be alone". Funny how this stuff just perpetuates itself isn't it? Just about everything began for me with the one small change of being KIND to me and making a rule of no more negative self talk. And it all paid off because now, I am someone I totally want to hang with. Yay!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Wednesday 11th of May 2016 06:47:23 AM
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Great reminder MsM. Being able to be present to myself ,staying inside my own skin and my own life with HP gives me purpose and completness- No one else is necessary .
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks (((MissMel))) - love the daily and your ESH. Your service is appreciated too! I actually desired alone time as I lived with 3 qualifiers and there was some drama/chaos always present, and of course, I could not shut my mind off even when they were away. I did not crave it for the right reasons though - I craved it to stew and sit in self-pity and to blame them for all my problems/issues!
The program has gifted me with a saner, calmer 'friend in me' than I ever knew existed. Today, I can enjoy my alone time and do something for me or for my recovery, and feel good about it. I did not enjoy being alone with myself/my thoughts before recovery though - my own thinking and negativity were dreadful and miserable.
I am grateful for this program and my MIP family! What a great journey to be a part of!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Being alone comes very easily for me now most of the time. Been married to an alcoholic for nearly 17 yrs & sometimes I can't wait for him to go to a meeting or anywhere so I can get things done & have alone time. I don't feel lonely much anymore but I do struggle. I don't always find a member to talk to when I am lonely. I have to admit that I future trip sometimes & think about losing my husband to death or that he might leave so I would be alone again & what would I do? That would be the disease talking. I couldn't live one day at a time w that stinking thinking. I may have to prepare for the future sometimes but I don't have to be stuck in it! In the meantime I want to enjoy being w myself.
What good share. I do love my alone time. I don't get very much of it, and when I do, it feels good. I find I'm more productive, because I do what I want to do. However, I believe I need to work on the area of disparaging myself. I can be pretty mean to myself....more mean to myself than I would ever be with anyone else.
Thanks for the reminder to be a kinder, more gentler friend to myself. Hugs.
MIssMeliss your share was so good! Thank you. I woke up this morning and read this in my copy of C2C. I was so lonely yesterday due to issues with my friend and having to spend a huge amount of time alone at work that day. And I think you hit the nail on the head for me too with the whole being terrible to yourself and why would you want to be alone with that person. WOW. Thank you. I never thought about it as building a better relationship and having to invest in it. When did I lose that ability (I think I had it in the past) What happened to my relationship with me and even more with my HP. Hmmmmm. Things to really think about.
What a good reading for me today. Miss M your share brought it home for me. There are times that I feel lonely for that person I shared a life with for many years. But that life was very lonely one when I really think about what went on between us. I could never really count on him for anything other than financial. He was a workaholic so we always had the basics but never a soft place to fall. When my Mom died he was there physically but that was about it.
So now I live by myself. There is no chaos and I do love having this place to myself 98% of the time. So that is a gift that I am grateful for.
Thank you (((Miss M)))) for your service and your share today:))
and thank you too.