The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm tired today emotionally, mentally, an spiritually .. i have a meeting i can an am going to tonight where i live .. but lately i feel the unity missing sometimes when i share online (in another site) .. i haven't shared in this site in awhile so just letting myself share (without criticism or judgment) here ..
in meetings we always read, "talk to each other, reason things out, but let there be no gossip or criticism among you" we also read, "although you may not like all of us, you will come to love us in a very special way, the same way we already love you" .. i am irritated when i come to a recovery site an share from the heart only to receive no replies . again not talking 'this site; just in general .. we also sometimes read the closing with the alanon creed . when anyone anywhere reaches out .. let the hand of alanon always be there an let it begin with me .. (let us be there to reason; share experience, etc .. )
I just see a pattern of lately having shared in my other site with no responses .. it's like coming to the well only to find it's dried up .. in meetings ? if there is only One loving authority (HP) the well will never run dry an we will never run out of awares an shares .. beautiful really .. if we were the only one to show we also would not be able to have a meeting an it wouldn't do us much good to sit at the table an share alone out loud when it's reasoning with others that helps us all .. i sat alone in obsession years before i found recovery .. never changed a thing ..
not many other places to share this ... only see in me a resentment of an expectation in recovery groups which is here because meetings are the one place we can expect to find help and do. i felt really unlistened to unheard an unvalued when noone responded .. but the resentment would only remain inside me if i chose to not listen hear or value myself by withholding my share .. this is such a 'we' program .. 'we' do need each other .. always have .. whether we know each other 'or not .. we never have to 'earn a thing in alanon meetings .. it is a free 'gift for us all ..
thanks for letting me share this 'here .. i have a fear of sharing it where i want to share it because i am learning how many judge without understanding love or awareness .. without compassion, etc .. course maybe that's the alcoholics i grew up with that i am somehow projecting .. i think all it really is, is i know how deeply healing recovery 'can be .. no push in this .. part of the other reason i shared this here is because i know there are some very loving members here who may relate ..
(Metwo2))). The First Tradition clearly outlines that our common welfare should come first and that unity is of the utmost importance. I am so sorry that you have felt unheard on a previous site. I do understand how painful it can be.
I spent a few hours with my sister and her family last week. It was evident thatnobody was listening to anybody. Everybody over talked each other and invalidate each other's opinions and went merrily on their way. This is the way it always was when I was growing up and I never understood why I was not comfortable sgaring with them.
Attending healthy meetings and being able to share without being interrupted, all without anybody giving advice was such a gift. I thrived. Having people listen with an open mind and offering a positive encouragement is all that we do need to recover.
There is a reading in the Courage to Change that states that no where in teh 12 steps do we ever ask God to add anything to us. We only ask for our defects to be lifted because we have all we need to have a successful, happy life
The sharing and letting go of the negative compulsions is a greatr way to rid ourselves of our fears and defects. I'm glad that you feel safe enough sharing here and appreciate being reminded of the Al-Anon opening and closing, they are very important principles.
hi Metwo2, thank you for sharing. I'm sorry you have had that experience - it doesn't feel good or supportive.
Your share is a good reminder to me - I often read without commenting, mostly because I just do not know what to say. I often feel that if I doh't have something of substance or ESH to offer, I'd rather say nothing. But I know that when I post, it feels good to read any acknowledgements of my post, regardless of the specific content. I'll try to put this in practice a bit more.
God do I ever have to work on that with my program also cause it sends me into a flurry of investigation of my part in it and their part in it and so on. Eventually I end up doing what you have done here...as for feed back with "can you please"....I just returned home from my morning Mothers" Day AA group that has a solid Al-Anon personality (we don't only talk about drinking) the mutual support is awesome especially this Mother's Day and while we at times do run into "dead" air during the process it isn't for long. I will use a habit I developed in Al-Anon when I am needing ESH and that is by saying, "I could use some feedback on this please" and then make my share. That "tired" feeling isn't so good on my spirit. Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Metwo2, Yes, I, also, read very often here and don't share because I never feel that I have enough ESH to share with others when so many others on this site share so eloquently their ESH. I guess this is a reminder that we all have to share for others to feel heard... yes this is a good reminder..
thanks, these replies help alot .. betty i hear you with having sat with noone listening to anyone an then going about on their merry way .. i see i forget what that's like sometimes .. or that others are unaware (haven't recovery so haven't learned the wisdom to grow the difference as we do in recovery step work) .. i was also part of that dynamic pre alanon .. still can be i know as it's progress not perfection .. i appreciate too jerry reading on the ''dead'' air .. thank you for that also .. good to see you both .. an ocean so good to be with others who are willing to share .. sometimes when we don't think we have anything of value to share, we end up helping more than we know .. also with my tired yah jerry i don't always ask .. i assume sort of like assuming we're all in the Same place at the Same time .. i guess i see how i might be having a reaction to me today .. my insides .. know all we can share is our experience .. feeling better with you 3 here .. just came from a meeting where i shared happiness is an inside job because we carry the hurt inside us .. it isn't out there somewhere .. it's right here in us .. (recovery is too) .. Lordy, i see where i also have Lots of Step work to do inside Me yet .. thanks for listening an hearing me ..
thanks pjwa each of us has something of so much value to offer .. sort of like that saying .. one man's junk is another man's Treasure .. Ty for being here an sharing .. i do see (too) again my little reaction inside me i am having .. thanks ..
I love this site for all the love and esh i
Receive. I have Other support groups
for my divorce related Issues.
I will get there i know by the grace of God
I thank alanon all the time for helping Me
Heal from the inside out.
This group Has been a big part of my healing
besides My ftf meetings which i find i often
keep my true feelings and emotions To myself.
Most of my present stuff is divorce, emotional
issues And detaching. I still like to listen i usually
Hear what i need to hear. I like being Part of
a ftf group, I go for me to get better.
Judgement is a big word for me now, its a
Scary word when your walls are down and
You are vulnerable and exposed. I tend to
bring That word up often in my ftf group.
I keep finding in alanon one thing begets
Another thing, i am changing and growing
Yet At a very slow pace.
Hey (((metwo))) - So sorry that your visits/shared at another site aren't answered. I've belonged to online forums in the past, and I have found that some are certainly more active than others. I am so grateful for MIP as rarely does a post go unanswered and there is so much love here!
Those parts of the opening and closing that you read are so important and applicable. I try to read posts here with an open mind and use the same when I am in meetings. I saw your mention of expectations and can so relate to that too.
I am fortunate that our local group here truly as an awesome set of regular attendees. That applies to the three meetings I attend each week. We have probably 75% that are regulars and then 25% that are new or returning or visiting or....what I truly love and enjoy about meetings is since we are working on life-changing, there is never a lack of topics!
Keep coming back here - we leave the porch light on 24 x 7 x 365!!
Good to see you!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I love the support I receive here at MIP. I'm so sorry that your feelings weren't responded to elsewhere. I can appreciate where you are coming from. It's similar to how I feel about being appreciated by loved ones. Yesterday was a little disappointing, for Mother's Day, because I didn't feel like my efforts, as a Mom, were validated. One son showed up and made me feel special. Two didn't. Of course, the gnawing voice inside of my head caused me to feel really bad about the two who didn't show up. What I needed to do was appreciate the one who did. I suppose that's the same thing here. It's wonderful to feel appreciated and read the responses to my posts here. I admit that I don't always reply to posts if I don't feel I have anything to add of value. There are some situations that are very different from mine, and I don't feel that I can add ESH. I hope you, and others, understand.
Anyway, I'm glad you came here. IAH, I love the "leave the porch light on" comment.
no push in this .. part of the other reason i shared this here is because i know there are some very loving members here who may relate .. 