The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH still denies he's an alcoholic. He's a periodic binge drinker and he's drinking again on a weekly basis. To give you an idea he's the between number One and number Two husband in "To Wives" chapter of AA's Big Book. I think I have accepted the three C's , that I could only change myself, I have stopped manipulating so he will not have a drink, I have stopped JADEing. I let him "live", I am letting go and letting God. I am no longer feeling angry when he drinks as I do before but I am now feeling extremely sad.
Right after posting and before I sign off from this site, (as this is where I ran to - still no meetings & Al-anon where I am) I go thru the other posts and read thru your ESHs in similar topics and situations. Though I'm still feeling extremely sad and weak, I found some encouragement in your other shares. I have to go on with life as it is, continue praying and trusting God believing in His love and care for me and my husband. I still have to battle with this sadness. I'm hoping to hear from you guys, I need your hugs...
Sadness is a very appropriate response to the situation. It's wretched to see the damage and not be able to stop or heal it. And it's very hard to see those you love in pain. The wreckage that comes from this disease is just awful. But one thing I always say is that if you are alive and not in prison, you have choices. Great choice to share on this board. Keep coming back!
(((Jocel))) from my world too. I agree with vorpal - sadness is a sane response to watching another you care about be in denial about this disease. It sounds like you used your tools - found some reading to draw upon and your higher power. Love that you also considered the 3 C's. When we went through active times with the disease, I remember how extremely sad I felt. At the time, I was not thrilled at all. But, looking back now I have come to believe that sadness was a much better response that the drama, anger, rage, etc. that I had gone through many times before.
I share in the hopes that you can see progress in your recovery no matter what he does/does not do. Know that we're here for you - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you very much for your encouragement. My AH had a drink last night and came home at around 2 am. Last night, I slept early, that has become my way to keep my mind away from dwelling on his drinking issue. When he came in the room I think he's trying to wake me up by saying he was already home around 1 am but that he has to fix the toilet flush so it's only now that he came to the room. I managed to ignore him, pretend I'm awakened but really so sleepy I couldn't clearly answer back and continued sleeping. Thank you for your hugs, I really need them most today. It's the day after the drinking that's really challenging and dreadful. My AH is now awake and I'm trying to avoid being near nor around him. I have to prepare myself for difficult moments, I know there will be lots today, I'll remember to close my eyes, take a deep breath, feel your hugs and most especially God's loving embrace.
(((Hugs back to you)))
